Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders  
Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders

Do I have OCPD

Do I have OCPD

Postby skang » Thu Jul 23, 2009 1:22 am


Im new to this forum and hoping someone can help

I have always suffered with stubborness and perfectionism and orderiness since I was at least 5 that I can remember. my family and friends have always just said "thats the way I am" . . but in my heart I think its more than that. Since i had my son 2yrs ago its now not just affecting me but others inclduing my husband around me. I expect him to do everything in life the same way I would, I dont tolerate mistakes, people are stupid for making mistakes unless there is a reallly really good reason which generally there isnt.
Everything has to be in its place, clothes have to be fold the right way, plates have to be stacked and washed in a certain way . .and im expecting others to do it my way. I have extremely high standards and everything in my mind is black and white, there is no grey, thats just an excuse for peoples mistakes. . .its driving me mad, becuase I cant relax becuase something isnt quite in the right place, the shirts could be folded by my husband but not in the right way, so I instead of sitting and relaxing and appreciating it, will get up and unfold and refold as they should be. All the hangers in my wardrobe have to be the right way . .as time goes on i find im ordering more and more things and now its driving me wild, it controls everything I do in life, and im trying to control others around me. I went to see a councellor who said she thinks I have mild OCD, I think its more OCPD though, if my husband puts the washing out, I will check its done the right way, if he has done the washing up I go in and re-order the drying rack to the correct way, if he is doing dinner I go an check he is doing it right. I dont let anyone help me as its easier to do it myself as it will be done right then, things wont be forgotten etc or stacked the wrong way . . im not like it with my son, and not too bad with my mum/brother, its only mainly in the home and at work . . .
I dont think a councellor is trained enough to help or diagnose me . . i dont want to feel this way anymore, I hate being controlled and constrained by people, and this is controlling me and ruining my marriage, im getting angry becuase he didnt put something in the right place, its pathetic . .where can i go for help . . . ..
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Postby journey1 » Sat Jul 25, 2009 10:48 pm

If you don't trust the counselor spend the big bucks and find a psychiatrist to check you out and offer their opinon. Maybe you'll agree and give them a chance to work with you. 8/12 Sorry for being so snotty. I must have been in a mood. If you don't like your shrink/therapist check out new ones. You have a right to interview them too. Even though it might seem intimatating. Again, sorry for a lousy post. :?
Last edited by journey1 on Wed Aug 12, 2009 4:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby mycodename » Thu Aug 06, 2009 12:55 am

I don't want to dissuade you from seeking professional help. I just want to forewarn you that not all credentialed professionals are worth the financial investment. I saw a psychiatrist in private practice for two years at $90/45 minutes, weekly, sometimes twice weekly. He was the head of the psyciatric department at the University hospital in a city of over 1 million people. After two years of experimentation in attempting to relieve a serious depression that came on following the loss of my family in an aviation accident, he made a veiled offer to perform a sexual act for me at which point I concluded I had just wasted over $10,000 out of pocket while this psycho fantasized about homosexual acts.

It was in a city known for it's wierdness so I don't think you are likely to experience the same disappointment that I had but I thought I should warn you to check out any counselor or psychiatrist before trusting them with your mental health or your hard earned money or insurance.

There's a good description of OCPD at Wikipedia. Type OCPD in Google and it should be the first hit or close to it. OCPD differs from OCD. Leave it to psychologists to name two similar but different diseases almost identical names. OCD involves compulsive rituals similar to those portrayed by the TV character MONK. People suffering from OCPD aren't controlled by those compulsions that are employed to relieve anxiety. I would check out the Wikipedia website on OCPD, then OCD, and ask yourself which, or both, apply to your individual behavior. If your current psych doesn't know the difference between the two, then you might want to find a professional that does.
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Postby StepMom » Fri Oct 23, 2009 9:49 pm

From your post it sounds like you may well have OCPD. I applaud you for recognizing that something may not be quite right and being willing to seek help. I encourage you to get that help. I have a stepson who has OCPD and it drives me NUTS!!! He is living in our home right now (even though he is 30 years old) and he is quite the tyrant about needing things to be done a particular way. At one time he did get some psychiatric help. They put him on Effexor XR. It made a HUGE difference and helped him manage his anxiety, which helped him control his OCPD. Unfortunately, he stopped seeing the shrink and stopped taking the meds, and now is a nightmare.

I don't know how your husband feels about your actions, but please understand that living with someone who has OCPD can be very difficult, no matter how much they love you. It's hard not to take it personally when everything you do is deemed wrong or not good enough by the person you love. I know you can't help it, but does he?

Good luck and please post to let us know how you're doing.
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My husband's OCPD is driving me away

Postby justwantpeace » Sun Oct 25, 2009 10:35 am

We've been married for 8 years and I believe I made a mistake for my own mental health. He blames everything on me and I am never good enough. I actually went on an antidepressant to get along better with him. It actually did work and he wants me to stay on it but I am now weaning myself off of it because its not me that needs the meds. I am a good person and hate the constant confrontations and the name calling. He does the cleaning, the shopping, the cooking... everything because I either can't do it correctly or make too much of a mess. I do have a couple jobs that I am "allowed" to handle like emptying the dish washer and making the bed!
People think I have it made because he does everything. He does too, he says I am a spoiled princess. He works at home and I was just laid off from my job so I am home too. I will be so happy when I get a job as it is the only place where I can truly be me.
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OCPD and Me

Postby Rizzo » Tue Dec 22, 2009 5:01 pm

Hey I see no one has replied in two months, but I wanted to ask if anyone out there can answer a question for me. I hope someone is still there.

Well I have recently just read an article on OCPD, by accident actually, and I get chills reading it, because for the most part it is me.

All the symptoms or charictoristics all sound like me. If my husband does the laundry (which I have always hated him doing for fear he'll reck my clothes) and say he doesn't put the RIGHT clothes in the dryer I will rewash them in order to ensure they won't fit too big or baggy. Also if he folds the laundry I more often then not redo it because I am not happy with the way they were done. I believe my kids can't do anything with out my help. With school projects I find my self telling myself not to interfeer and allow them to do it themselves, but I ALWAYS end up starting to help them by holding something for them. And eventually I will lose my patients with them and just take it and do it. Afterwords I feel regret for not allowing them to do it and also failure because it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to and I end up depressed and moody and agitated.

I also have the inability to do anything with ease. If I clean the bathroom for instance, it will take me 45 min.s to do it. Even if I go in with the intention of just cleaning the toilette because the rest of the bathroom is clean enough. And then after 5 min or so of cleaning is done. I find a smudge on the wall and get a different cloth and clean it, next thing you know I have cleaned all the walls the mirror the sink scrubbed the floor around the toilette the door on both sides and almost an hour has gone by. As a result I have lost time, and can not clean another room because I need to go somewhere or I need to cook supper or put the kids to bed...

And then there is when people come over. All of a sudden my house is a mess ( and it usually is because my husband usually says it is or if the guest has a kid they say so aswell) So I clean for one - two days right up to the point they arrive. Sometimes I will procrastinate till the last minute, or take a brake and waste an hour surfing the web ( which is what I have done for 6 hours today already reading articals on this disorder, not finding the answer to my question). I digress. As I was saying before If I start cleaning I will get to the point where it looks clean, but then find a smudge or something, and the clean is on again. And it never seems to end I continue to find dirt. Then with anger and frustration and lots of anxiety I through my arms up in the air and give up. And spend the whole visit in fear they'll find the wall to my pantry has a hand print on it(when their back is turned or they go to the bathroom I will clean it). Basically I am embarased the whole time.

So ya I guess this all sounds cut and dry but the strange part is, with all the expectation of procrastination, the oppisit usually results. Basically I will see my home office, which looks like it belongs on an episode of Hoarders, and I want to clean it but with that comes feelings of exaustion, anxiety and sadness, because it is so overwhelming to think of the amount of work that's nesassary to have it be the way I want it. My husband and I get into argumants because I get a sore chest when he says he will clean it, because I know he will through out things I may need

I hate being home because everywhere I look there is a mess to clean, and I don't have the energy to clean it. So even if the mess is real (dirty counters from Kids making sandwiches) I won't clean it I will make excuses not to do it right away. I feel messy and lazy and I am so dissapointed in myself.

So my question is, is it possible to be OCPD ( a perfectionist) and live in a messy house because you fear that if you start to clean ,it will take to much time and it still won't be done, it will never be done ( that's why I don't even start any more).

Please help me get out of my head. :cry:
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Postby Belinda1969 » Tue Apr 27, 2010 11:14 pm

12 Step programs can really help OCPD.

My father almost fully recovered from his OCPD in Alanon and ACOA (both are 12 Step programs).
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Postby star2010 » Thu May 06, 2010 6:44 pm

This behaviour started at age 5, so it is long standing.
Generally being very focused on the environment you are in and keeping it in exact order is a way of controlling something in your life because you feel you have lack of control in other areas.
A counsellor could help, just find one that is qualified.
It is a problem because you find it a problem.
I would hate to live with you (though no doubt you are a nice person).
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Postby knchilders » Mon May 24, 2010 10:29 am

If you don't trust the counselor spend the big bucks and find a psychiatrist to check you out and offer their opinon. Maybe you'll agree and give them a chance to work with you. 8/12 Sorry for being so snotty. I must have been in a mood. If you don't like your shrink/therapist check out new ones. You have a right to interview them too. Even though it might seem intimatating. Again, sorry for a lousy post
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Location: united states

Postby Bella » Tue Jun 01, 2010 3:13 am

I am new to all this, forum wise etc but have just read - IJUSTWANTPEACE - post with interest. In fact I found this site by typing in 'My OCPD partner won't even let unpack the shopping'!!!

Its so infuriating its almost laughable. Yesterday for the second time, the ending to an another-wise lovely weekend, happened because I took control of his shopping trolley in the supermarket and then unpacked his shopping in his house. Then I refused to apologise because this helpful behavior was seen as taking over and ruining his way of doing things. I'm moving very soon, into his place.

He tells me it will be different. That it will be 'our' place and consequently I will be allowed to use the kitchen, do some cleaning, cooking, stacking the dishwasher. All evidence is pointing to the contrary however. (This has been three years in the build up. And he's taking anti-depressants so I hoped would have eased up on things by now and in some ways they have improved greatly.) Any similar tales of how to deal with OCPD people would be gratefully recieved as I get so frustrated I just want to walk away.
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