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Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders

paranoid husband

paranoid husband

Postby sjholley » Wed Aug 20, 2008 8:55 am

I would like to hear from someone whose husband is paranoid. I've been married for almost 42 years. I've been abused mentally and some physically all these years. I discovered just recently, when I, myself, went to a therapist for help, that my husband is suffering from paranoia. I was advised to have him committed for help but feared to do so. Most will think I am stupid for staying in a marriage and being mistreated. I agree. But I have. I am almost 61 years old now and find that I am having a more difficult time at coping with this life now. I have even thought of suicide. I am a Christian and don't understand why God has ot intervened with help. I really need help for my own sanity. My husband refuses to believe he has a problem. He is also an alcoholic which makes matters worse. He sometimes stops drinking for a little while but always starts again. During those times, he treates me better. I had to retire early from my job because of his paranoia. He accused me of messing around with my boss and every other man. He said he was going to kill me and everyone in my office. I managed to live with daily false accusations for two years before I finally got the courage to quit, knowing that we could not manage finacially very well if I did. I could write a book that would amaze people of the life that I have lived with my husband. As a matter of fact, I have been considering doing just that, even though I am not a writer. Anyway, the reason I have been searching the internet is to possibly find another woman out there somewhere who has the same problem as I have. It would be nice to have someone who understands and would like to correspond with me.
sjholley
 
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paranoid husband

Postby mortysbestfriend » Sat Sep 06, 2008 2:40 am

hi. i am new to this forum... and really new to posting in any forums. i gernerally just read the posts.... but your post made me want to reply. i am a mid 30's female and your husband sounds like my dad. i totally understand the "i could write a book about this"... people are shocked and uncomfortable when i tell them the simple things my father says on a daily basis. anyway, the reason i wanted to reply is because i would like you to know you are not alone. however, it is very important that you take care of yourself first, and put yourself first in your life. this is my experience. there are many support groups full of people who have had experiences just like you! and they are open and honest about it and really care and want to be happy... i am thinking you would really like to be happy :) and the bottom line is living under these conditions is very dangerous. my father is a very dangerous man. emotionally being the worst, because if someone threatens your physical safety, and acts out on it, and you stay in that environment, you unknowingly make yourself a prisoner to this other person's mood swings and unpredictable behavior and thoughts... this is not safe. even if your husband has "good days" i know the feeling of waiting... and waiting... and just knowing that it's gonna go bad any minute and this is not a safe way to live. I understand you said you are a Christian, and that you said you didn't understand why God wasn't protecting you (forgive me if I mis worded that) ... well God wants you to be happy. And God wants you to be safe. And it sounds, also from my experience personally, I have found that until I took postive steps to claim my life back and get away from my father, and stopped trying to make him see his behavior or do anything about it or admit to it or change, and I focused on MYSELF, I became much more free and much happier. Don't worry so much about not being able to take care of yourself as it sounds like your focus has been taking care of HIM. I am just now learning to take care of MYSELF and it feels wonderful! You have options. You mentioned that your husband drinks, there is an amazing program called alanon that is for family members of people who drink where the focus is on YOU not the person who drinks. You can look up alanon family groups on the internet and go to a meeting in your area and ask for help. These are people who have been through or are going through your experience or have felt or feel the same way you do, and it's important to have support and people to relate to. These people at these meetings are all in various stages of working on taking care of themselves in the face of relationships with not only people who drink, but mainly the unpredictable behavior, violence, threats, paranoia, and controlling behavior that comes along with it. My father never drank. He just acts in the same way... the drinking is not so important in order to attend the meetings. Unless it is important to you. I am just saying either way you will be welcome with open arms and will find a place to go and hear other people talk about what it's like and how they have dealt with it or are dealing with it and it is very very helpful. Good luck to you and God bless you.
mortysbestfriend
 
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Re: paranoid husband

Postby spikegomez » Tue Nov 04, 2008 10:38 am

i've read your post too, then i found that i'm agreed with your post...
spikegomez
 
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Re: paranoid husband

Postby smartass » Wed Dec 15, 2010 9:10 pm

[quote="spikegomez"]i've read your post too, then i found that i'm agreed with your post...[/quote]

It's pretty common to have husbands lying to your face that they are not negative minded and paranoid when they are. My husband always thinks that i talk bad about him behind his back and therefore he keeps a trakl of calls and letters and internet usage. he gives me no privacy, and he's intouch with my friends and cousins so that they can tell him what I talk about. When i asked him why do you do this , he denied it. i'm waiting for the moment for him to realize how it feels a wife does this kind of thing to a husband. I really loved him and trusted him, but now i'm getting distant emotionally, and i don't know if things get worse, I may think of a divorce too. My ego would never take such a thing for long.
smartass
 
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