Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders  
Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders

Can help be effective for histrionic personality disorder?

Can help be effective for histrionic personality disorder?

Postby gary » Sun Dec 10, 2006 6:58 pm

My wife of almost 10 years is a classic case of this personality. She is extremely outgoing. She always has to be the life of the party, the center of attention. At first it was very charming. It is now becoming a huge burden. She interacts with complete strangers like she has known them her whole life. I am feeling more and more transparent everyday. I guess I do not "feed" her image. Her biggest issue is what other people think of her, including complete strangers. Her temper is out of this world. Another aspect that is now coming about is control. She needs to be in control and calling the shots for every situation. Even if it is something she isn't versed on she still demands control. If she is not in control she can go from being content into a rage in a matter of seconds. She will grab whatever is close (usually glass) and throw it at me or at the floor in a fit of rage, screaming. She calls her lack of control (or being able to control every situation) a lack of respect for her by people around her. (Which in most cases is me) Then she withdraws from contact and will not speak to me sometimes for days. One Christmas season a few years ago my family was here from out of town and she apparantly was not the center of attention so she just left, without even telling me. I didn't know where she was for 4 days. Her daughters were here and they didn't even know where she was. She came back a week after my family left after I had to ask her numerous times to do so. Also all she can talk about is how she was abused as a child and how her first marriage was a failure and for these reasons she is an expert on relationships, and because I had a loving stable upbringing I know nothing about maintaining a relationship. This is like a classic Jekyl and Hyde. Does anyone think that any kind of therapy can improve or better this behavior or am I in a hopeless situation? :oops:
gary
 
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To Gary

Postby leanndyer » Mon Dec 11, 2006 9:04 am

My husband of 1 year has some very similar behaviors. I am not sure what to do. He has not only done the things you identified in your email but has cheated on me 3 times this year as I caught him in a "manic" mood where he thinks he is above me and I don't give him enough attention so he resorted to other things. Once I found out, he was very remouseful and ANGRY? He didn't understand why he did it. I am having trouble getting him some help. I need to get him in the hospital but no one will help me. I am not sure what to do either!

I read a book from Barnes and Noble that is good. It is called Loving someone with Bipolar Disorder. Check it out...it might benefit to stay in the bookstore for a while and just thumb through some of the books there on mental disorders and see what really fits. Only you know as you live with her...
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Postby devilman96 » Wed Dec 20, 2006 7:28 pm

I can tell you from my own 7 year relationship with a HPD wife that if ether of your spouses were HP you proably would not be saying "you think" he or she "may be"...

A few years ago after I had enough of my wife's outlandish behavior I started reading and digging... For the longest time I kept saying to myself im nuts, this is pointless, etc... One of the last things I resorted to looking into was PD's... and none seemed to remotely fit until I hit (almost lastly) HPD... When I read it I almost fell over dead... I was stunned... shocked... terrified... relieved... and scared to death.

What I am saying is that there was little to debate in my own mind at that point and every word I read... Every thing I learned... and every new leaf I uncovered about the disorder and my wife left me reeling in amazement as to the fact that PD's are a real thing.

I in speaking to Dr's... few really know much about it... its a EXTREMELY rare PD... Everyone of them will "know" of it... BUT MOST KNOW NOTHING OF DEALING WITH IT!!!! but I feel after going through about 25 different Dr's with her (plus the ones she has picked up on her own) in the past 4 or so years... maybe... and I mean MAYBE... one or two of them really had the insight and experience to work a HP patient.... and she of course hated him... Mostly due to the fact they could call her too easily and would directly go after the behavior vs. going after the after affects of her behavior.

She lies to everyone... I can not count the times we have split... nor do I care to count the sexual partners she has gone through out side of our marriage!!! She's outlandish... out of control... and honestly has no idea, rhyme or reason for knowing why or whom she really is a person. Depending on when you meet her she may tell you her profession is what it really is... she may tell you she owns some fantastic business, I've even found her telling people she's a professional "poll dance" instructor... There is always a tinge of truth but there is no reasoning (and no she is not a stripper so stop thinking it)... it is all based on her getting a reaction out of the person in front of her and spinning them into what ever fantasy, plot, or plan she has... Take the bait and she will wreck you as a friend... call her on lies and she will explode... deny her your time or attention and she will manipulate you in any way possible.... Her job, life, family, marriage, friends, pets, etc are all expendable assets and are usually (to her story) responsible for wrecking or screwing up what ever plan(s) she has...

The hard part... she's an actress... anyone and everyone that meets he is taken by her... She's wonderful... Exciting... Exhilarating... The life of the party... Excel's at her work... People have a very hard time believing she has a "problem"... and its usually dismissed as she just a little crazy... Unless a person trys to get close to her or hangs out with her for a while!!

Friends and new acquaintances are taken with her... usually after a week or two of contact with a person they disappear from her life... I've seen this over and over again... When people see the shallowness or manipulation they will RARELY stay around her... and the ones that do are usually of such low character and moral value that the company seems to fit... She feeds on what she admires and becomes that person using their body language, speech patterns, interests, likes and dislikes... It is one of the scariest things you can ever experience a person doing...

I know from watching and listening to my wife, how she carries her self, and how her interest and moods swing what she is up to... Its almost a split in personality but is never the same or consistent split.... If she becomes obsessed with her weight, dress and appearance more so than her normal obsession (it is ALWAYS an issue with her) she is ether trying to gain the attention of someone... or has been cheating on me and was dumped. If she comes home with a new fetish, like, or dislike which seems to be an over powering issue or compulsion, again its the same... I was begged, pleaded with and eventually COMMANDED to go get a piercing for about 3 weeks (I didn't)... Turned out she was pursuing and then sleeping with someone whom had them... Its embarrassing but I could give you 20 or 30 examples like this...

It seems to me that a HP's biggest fear in life is abandonment... They are so caught up in attracting people and keeping them though manipulation that they inflict their own biggest fear on themselves by driving people away...

Having a general conversation with her is fascinating... Having a in-depth or intimate conversation with her is like talking to a stump... Trying to reason with her is insanity... Trying to get her to see her behavior is possible but often times met with aggression, temper and an explosive fit of rage... It will go in a circle and never end... She ducks, dodges and rearranges everything to avoid "herself".

I could go on for hours... proably days... but I think you get the point...

Why I stay with her... I've been accused of enabling and or being codependent but I am nether. I have had my own set of problems in life before I met her and it took people looking after me whom didn't give up on me. I am by no means a saint in the relationship and before I knew what I was into I made my own mistakes with detachment (very common for a spouse in a HPD relationship)... I am hopeful that one day something will give with her... I've seen bits and pieces of it improve here and there... and I have also seen behaviors regress and become far worse, more dark, and more difficult to spot... She's an actress... and a damn good one and highly intelligent to boot!!! For myself... I have to watch everything... Its like having a child that refuses to grow up... but I was told a long time ago... If I don't keep track of her, what she is doing, whom she is with, etc things are only going regress and get worse... Personally I loath doing so... But at the same time it has allowed me to intervene on a lot of things and has also helped out tremendously in getting her to therapy... and getting her to stay in therapy... or back to it... Certain people... certain friends or family members... phone logs... email... gps... etc... The problem becomes she can turn Starbucks, the library or even a grocery store into a means for attention (positive or negative) from new people...

As I said earlier... Dr's whom know, or whom are not conned and bs'ed by HP's are rare... Pending the therapist it may be doing more harm than good!!! HP's often only seek or want help when there is a crisis in their lives... other wise... they don't care. Most Dr's want to treat the symptoms or the results of the behavior more so than the behavior its self... When I start to hear things like manic, post traumatic, depression, stress, anxiety, etc I know she will like the Dr and stay around for a while because she likes the audience. She embraces and carries the symptoms or results with her like a trophy for the attention. But if I start hearing things about behavior, actions, results, fantasy and accountability I know they are on the right track... but are not able to handle her in a way which doesn't repel her from their office... Often they simply want to talk her out of what ever hole she is currently in (depressed usually) and as soon as they do she fly's the coop so to speak.

If your spouse truly is an HP... My advice is run... run like hell and don't look back because the cost over the long haul is not worth what it does to you as a person. The best term I have heard yet is "emotional vampire"... As they are well known for sucking the life from you. If your still questioning HPD behavior don't try to play Dr... You can only attach yourself so much emotionally so your judgment is clouded... but look at the criteria... weigh it out... study the idea and go get professional help... and I HIGHLY suggest you NOT tell your spouse what your thinking... let the Dr do it over time if you get lucky enough to see a good one.
devilman96
 
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i just want to say, i need hepl

Postby elizabeth23 » Thu Oct 25, 2007 1:36 am

i am 23 and a mom to be , and i beleave i am a Histrionic .. i took the personality tests and always kinda thought about it as a joke until i read this . it's no joke is it? every thing you siad about your wife was like looking in a mirror. i just don't know what to do about it i can't afford to get pro, help. and i feel as if i have just woke up from a dream that as been centerd around me my whole life. i offten feel like i have to be plessured all the time and it doesn't matter if the other as gotten anything out of it. i have strange dreams which are always mostly about me getting somethings or haveing some sexual veriation were i'm the one been focused on . i often wish i was some one else or had another life oppossed to what i have now , i some times see in my head what it would be like if i was some onelse . i am very inadiquit and have to be in every story even if it has nothikng to do with me , and always tell wondrose stories that i beleave happend but never realy did happen to me. please if theres anyone there who can help me please help me . i don't think i could ever do anything to hurt my husband and don't want to loose him and i beleav i am close to doing so , but i have had thoughts of cheating but only if i didn't get caught , i think i haven't don't so yet is becuase i know he would find out .

please some one help me
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Postby concernedmother » Wed Dec 05, 2007 6:37 pm

Elizabeth. You have done a very good thing by admitting you need help. I pray that you go to your local mental health and explain to thim what you are feeling.
My daughter is 23 and I believe she has a Histrionic Disorder/ Borderline Personality Disorder/ and bipolar. My prayer is that she sees that she needs help also. It is a roller coaster ride. She makes wild stories and involves me in these stories as if I'm a horrible mother. She has been very cruel lately and is trying to get me to bite back. I refuse. I will love her and pray that she gets help before it is too late.
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your post

Postby cottonwood29 » Sun Dec 30, 2007 8:43 pm

i've just stumbled across ur post on here because i've been on the net last couple of nights seeing if i could find any info on different disorders my ex acted and done things constantly that didnt make sense.she said she was unhappy and i knew that was part of the reason but not all of it. so many things u wrote are identical to my own situation.im gutted me and her r over but im relieved in a way because at least there might be an explanation.im no doc but im 99%sure she has hpd.thanks.[quote="devilman96"]I can tell you from my own 7 year relationship with a HPD wife that if ether of your spouses were HP you proably would not be saying "you think" he or she "may be"...

A few years ago after I had enough of my wife's outlandish behavior I started reading and digging... For the longest time I kept saying to myself im nuts, this is pointless, etc... One of the last things I resorted to looking into was PD's... and none seemed to remotely fit until I hit (almost lastly) HPD... When I read it I almost fell over dead... I was stunned... shocked... terrified... relieved... and scared to death.

What I am saying is that there was little to debate in my own mind at that point and every word I read... Every thing I learned... and every new leaf I uncovered about the disorder and my wife left me reeling in amazement as to the fact that PD's are a real thing.

I in speaking to Dr's... few really know much about it... its a EXTREMELY rare PD... Everyone of them will "know" of it... BUT MOST KNOW NOTHING OF DEALING WITH IT!!!! but I feel after going through about 25 different Dr's with her (plus the ones she has picked up on her own) in the past 4 or so years... maybe... and I mean MAYBE... one or two of them really had the insight and experience to work a HP patient.... and she of course hated him... Mostly due to the fact they could call her too easily and would directly go after the behavior vs. going after the after affects of her behavior.

She lies to everyone... I can not count the times we have split... nor do I care to count the sexual partners she has gone through out side of our marriage!!! She's outlandish... out of control... and honestly has no idea, rhyme or reason for knowing why or whom she really is a person. Depending on when you meet her she may tell you her profession is what it really is... she may tell you she owns some fantastic business, I've even found her telling people she's a professional "poll dance" instructor... There is always a tinge of truth but there is no reasoning (and no she is not a stripper so stop thinking it)... it is all based on her getting a reaction out of the person in front of her and spinning them into what ever fantasy, plot, or plan she has... Take the bait and she will wreck you as a friend... call her on lies and she will explode... deny her your time or attention and she will manipulate you in any way possible.... Her job, life, family, marriage, friends, pets, etc are all expendable assets and are usually (to her story) responsible for wrecking or screwing up what ever plan(s) she has...

The hard part... she's an actress... anyone and everyone that meets he is taken by her... She's wonderful... Exciting... Exhilarating... The life of the party... Excel's at her work... People have a very hard time believing she has a "problem"... and its usually dismissed as she just a little crazy... Unless a person trys to get close to her or hangs out with her for a while!!

Friends and new acquaintances are taken with her... usually after a week or two of contact with a person they disappear from her life... I've seen this over and over again... When people see the shallowness or manipulation they will RARELY stay around her... and the ones that do are usually of such low character and moral value that the company seems to fit... She feeds on what she admires and becomes that person using their body language, speech patterns, interests, likes and dislikes... It is one of the scariest things you can ever experience a person doing...

I know from watching and listening to my wife, how she carries her self, and how her interest and moods swing what she is up to... Its almost a split in personality but is never the same or consistent split.... If she becomes obsessed with her weight, dress and appearance more so than her normal obsession (it is ALWAYS an issue with her) she is ether trying to gain the attention of someone... or has been cheating on me and was dumped. If she comes home with a new fetish, like, or dislike which seems to be an over powering issue or compulsion, again its the same... I was begged, pleaded with and eventually COMMANDED to go get a piercing for about 3 weeks (I didn't)... Turned out she was pursuing and then sleeping with someone whom had them... Its embarrassing but I could give you 20 or 30 examples like this...

It seems to me that a HP's biggest fear in life is abandonment... They are so caught up in attracting people and keeping them though manipulation that they inflict their own biggest fear on themselves by driving people away...

Having a general conversation with her is fascinating... Having a in-depth or intimate conversation with her is like talking to a stump... Trying to reason with her is insanity... Trying to get her to see her behavior is possible but often times met with aggression, temper and an explosive fit of rage... It will go in a circle and never end... She ducks, dodges and rearranges everything to avoid "herself".

I could go on for hours... proably days... but I think you get the point...

Why I stay with her... I've been accused of enabling and or being codependent but I am nether. I have had my own set of problems in life before I met her and it took people looking after me whom didn't give up on me. I am by no means a saint in the relationship and before I knew what I was into I made my own mistakes with detachment (very common for a spouse in a HPD relationship)... I am hopeful that one day something will give with her... I've seen bits and pieces of it improve here and there... and I have also seen behaviors regress and become far worse, more dark, and more difficult to spot... She's an actress... and a damn good one and highly intelligent to boot!!! For myself... I have to watch everything... Its like having a child that refuses to grow up... but I was told a long time ago... If I don't keep track of her, what she is doing, whom she is with, etc things are only going regress and get worse... Personally I loath doing so... But at the same time it has allowed me to intervene on a lot of things and has also helped out tremendously in getting her to therapy... and getting her to stay in therapy... or back to it... Certain people... certain friends or family members... phone logs... email... gps... etc... The problem becomes she can turn Starbucks, the library or even a grocery store into a means for attention (positive or negative) from new people...

As I said earlier... Dr's whom know, or whom are not conned and bs'ed by HP's are rare... Pending the therapist it may be doing more harm than good!!! HP's often only seek or want help when there is a crisis in their lives... other wise... they don't care. Most Dr's want to treat the symptoms or the results of the behavior more so than the behavior its self... When I start to hear things like manic, post traumatic, depression, stress, anxiety, etc I know she will like the Dr and stay around for a while because she likes the audience. She embraces and carries the symptoms or results with her like a trophy for the attention. But if I start hearing things about behavior, actions, results, fantasy and accountability I know they are on the right track... but are not able to handle her in a way which doesn't repel her from their office... Often they simply want to talk her out of what ever hole she is currently in (depressed usually) and as soon as they do she fly's the coop so to speak.

If your spouse truly is an HP... My advice is run... run like hell and don't look back because the cost over the long haul is not worth what it does to you as a person. The best term I have heard yet is "emotional vampire"... As they are well known for sucking the life from you. If your still questioning HPD behavior don't try to play Dr... You can only attach yourself so much emotionally so your judgment is clouded... but look at the criteria... weigh it out... study the idea and go get professional help... and I HIGHLY suggest you NOT tell your spouse what your thinking... let the Dr do it over time if you get lucky enough to see a good one.[/quote]
cottonwood29
 
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Postby axion » Sun Jan 20, 2008 2:01 am

I have lived with a woman with H.P.D. since 2001. It is now 2008. here is my story of what it has been like. I have never posted this on the internet before and have never tried to explain what being a victim is like until now. Your reply or your comments are welcome !!

I'm a 47 year old male and was attracted to her at 42, she was then 62 and very attractive in every way. Outgoing, genuine, and everything I thought I would ever want in an older woman. So I thought!!....

It was difficult accepting the 20 year age difference. I met her in Nevada after moving to area due to my job. And how love is blind....


I knew somthing was wrong and did not know about H.P.D. at the time.
The relationship was so abusive after time, that I left her and moved back to Oregon where I now live.

We some how got back together and married 2 months after I left her.... The tears, Oh... Honey I'll change, I won't look at other men any more... I never ment my wedding vows with the other 5 men.... But Your different.....

3 months after she moved up to Oregon I knew it was a mistake! That was back in 2002 in June. We married in Feb of 2002. I wanted to end the marriage but became a hanger-on.... Maybe she will change this time.... The lies... catching her out in places she said she was not.... The phone calls, the hang-ups... you name it...

Taking changes of clothes with her. Overdoing the make up... flirting.... Overdressing.... Looking for a pat on the back from any man or woman she could get one from... The mental and verbal abuse, Crazymaking, Physical abuse, her moving out and back in so many times I had lost count. All the symptoms we as victims experience and must endure from these very sick people...

I thought I was going crazy! So I had to find out if she was cheating on me and I did. Yes she was! I then googled some 30 words to describe the symptoms she was displaying in our marriage and in her every day life.... H.P.D. was the absolute reply in the search results..... Many of the google results matched word for word.... I was crushed!!

It's now 2008. I cut her H.P.D. supply off and she turned on me like a crazy lunitic! I confronted her for cheating and.... She threw me out of my home and got a restraining order on me... Which I got dropped by going to court....

She filled for a divorce a month after I got to move back home, and now we only have the home in our name. I'm still in the house, were not married any more. And I cut her supply off!!

Tonight I just realized how awfull the nightmare has become. How insane this disorder can get! How nasty these people can be, and how hard it is to get away from them! They hunt you down and make you pay... Even when they know you have nothing left to give!

She was married 5 times, told me she cheated on them all. And I should have turned and never looked back! That and just wanting to be loved are both my own mistakes.....

I began to drink more and more to cover the pain... Only to be called an alcoholic... She's a total bible thumping christian, another smoke screen to look thru... She says things like, Oh honey.... I flert with women to.... Not just men..... They have to get the admiration !! They can not survive with out it!! They can not stop cheating!!! Or lying to you about it!!!
Its all part of the H.P.D. syndrome!!

Now she's 68 and I'm almost 48. The best years of my life are almost gone.


The above story is just a very breif description of how much insanaty H.P.D. plays out on the victim. After 5 years of doing "much" research on N.P.D. and H.P.D. I found out only one thing!!

It is near impossible to get away from these people! They will blow every money making opportunity you have to keep you dependent on them. And near broke!

Turn your entire family against you! Turn an entire community against you and rust out your basic human existance... But keep you alive in the relationship, just to put you back on life support for another SUPPLY seeking frenzy!

It's all part of this sick mental disorder, H.P.D.
The victim, once he is darn near dead from it can find it near impossible to put all the trauma down on paper. I't is almost as if you would need 10,000,00 pages to write on.... The mental images just overload the brain!!

Yes she is still very very attractive and she knows it! Is seeing someone at work but will not admit it...

These people dispose of others like trash once the H.P.D. supply they get dries up. They run to any man that gives them the attention they need to feel powerfull and in control....

My plan.... ?? I don't have one....!!

When they work you down so far that you just have no self asteem anymore you just try to survive.....

They go to church with you just to abuse you infront of other people, but the other people don't see whats going on... They just know somthing isn't right....

I've shut down my business for now and will be going to work out side of the house.... Become connected to life again and hopefully work out a new game plan.

All I can tell you kind people is that....

It is absolute HELL getting away and trying to....

END THE NIGHTMARE OF H.P.D.
axion
 
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Postby deesangel » Wed Jun 11, 2008 9:40 am

I have read about a few people on here who have been in relationships with some one who has HPD and the harm it has caused them. I have HPD and I thought I might give you a perspective to the way I think. I can’t speak for everyone that has it but if its anything like this I just want to let you know that we don’t intentionally try to hurt anyone. I always thought I had some kind of problem but I just didn’t know what to call it. I thought I was a pathological liar. I would lie about everything big or small and I couldn’t control it! I would consciously try to make an effort but it was almost a way of connecting with people. I wanted to fit in, I kind of always felt like an outcast. I always felt shy and awkward but it was so easy to seem outgoing and friendly, even charming. It’s like playing a character and it was easier then letting people see how nervous I felt. I went through several groups of friends in highschool. I never really felt connected to anyone, for the most part I think I was just friends with them because I didn’t want to be alone. As shallow as it is I didn’t even really care about any of them and usually I would pick people that were the popular crowd. I don’t know if I consciously did that or that I was just attracted to the people that got the most attention. If they were the crowd that partied all the time, I partied all the time, if they went to raves I dressed and acted like a raver. The only piece of my identity that was really true was that I enjoyed listening to rock music and the reason I continued to tell people that was because it was a little different from what other people were into and it got me attention. I have a knack for reading people and I used it constantly to become or at least act like a person who most appealed to the person I was speaking with. I couldn’t help it. I was nice to everyone and spoke with everyone no matter what group they were in and always lied about some interest that we both shared just so I could some how connect with them. As sick as it is I would love it when some poor guy who thought he was out of my league developed a crush on me. I would even flirt more but not taking it to the point were he felt comfortable to make a move or if he did I would turn him down and bring it right back to us being friends and him having the crush. I wanted the attention and the feeling of people wanting me. I didn’t want the guy himself. I almost never wanted the guy. I wouldn’t date within my school often because there was always some one who had something to say about the guy I was dating and whether I liked him or not that would do it. I would begin to ignore them or treat them like dirt in order for them to end it with me. I could never handle confrontation and I still can’t. The idea of confrontation scares me to death and I will do anything to avoid it. I would flirt with friend’s boyfriends but not very noticeably to anyone but them. I would become their best friend and everything they wanted especially what was missing in their relationship with my friend. I never wanted the guy. I just wanted to feel better then my friend. If the guy made a move on me I would even use that to get closer to the friend and get attention from her as though the guy had done something completely unwarranted. I think in some ways it was a way to try and get closer to her but also because I think I wanted her to know I was better then her. My best friends were people that I felt were less then me. I liked going out and being the most attractive one in the group. I feel terrible looking back at it now but I used them. I put them down, controlled them. If they made friends outside of me as soon as I met those people I would become the center of attention and would take their friends. I even turned people against them so that others would like me but also so that they relied on me. I never dressed provocatively but guys found me attractive and I loved the attention. Although as unhealthy as it is the only guys I was ever attracted to were the ones that posed some kind of challenge. Either they were taken or wanted by others or I felt they were out of my league. Then once I got them and I always would the novelty was gone and I would go back to ignoring them or trying to get them to pine for me. Like I said it was never about the guy, I just wanted the attention and to know I was better then others. At work I always advanced quickly. Men found me attractive and I would use it. I was attracted to my husband because other friends of mine had wanted him and then once I began dating him he gave me more attention then I ever needed. He was very controlling, he had to know where I was at all times, he called me constantly if we were apart. At first I thought it was great that some one could love me that much but a lot has changed now. I was exactly what he wanted; timid, non confrontational and very dependent on him. I let him have full control. Throughout us being together I was two different people and I still am. I have learned more about myself now but all that seems to give me now is guilt for the way I act. When I am at home I am exactly how he wants me to be, but when I leave the house it is the same thing. Now I use his behavior to get me attention. Like I said I know it sounds like if I know what I am doing I should be able to stop but I can’t. To make matters worse I work in a male dominated environment and my career has advanced because of this. I still don’t dress provocatively but men find me attractive and when some one higher up, takes notice then I work my charm. I still flirt with men and my faith in marriage has been shattered. I know I am deceitful to my husband but I haven’t met a man that has not offered to cheat. In some ways I like it because it because it almost makes me feel like they are willing to risk something to be with me and it also makes me feel like I am better again. I know its horrible but I love it the most when they say they have fallen in love with me. I always turn them down, I think I like them to feel that I am unattainable to be honest. If I ever felt ignored or that I wasn't receiving attention from the person I wanted it almost felt like I wanted to pull my hair out! I would become obsessed and try to find some way to be noticed without appearing to do so. I smoke at work but not at home in fact my husband has no idea I smoke at all and despite how controlling my husband is its almost like a new game to deceive him. I speak to people he doesn’t know about, make calls he doesn’t know about, buy things. Spending use to be a huge issue with me and I couldn’t control buying things. I sank really far into debt for a while. I know whoever reads this will think the worst of me and for once I don’t think it will bother me. I have never really been honest with anyone and the only reason I can here is because you don’t know me. HPD makes you desperate for attention and self worth. I think I lie because I feel like I don’t have an interesting personality so I need to create one. I don’t feel emotions for anyone or anything, in fact even when some one I should care about goes through something traumatic I will comfort them and act very compassionate but sadly I wish I cared I just feel as though I don’t and if something upsets me I can just turn it off and block it so I won’t feel it. I don’t want to be this way but I am and I don’t know how to fix it. I have gone to see doctors and all they worry about is whether or not I have the potential to suffer from depression. Once they decide that’s not an issue they seem interested but confused, apparently most people don’t want help or even think they have a problem and its usually their job to tell them that but since I know this already where do I go from here. Like I said before to those of you who have been in relationships with some one like me, I don’t think they meant to hurt you but actions speak louder then words. I hold myself responsible for what I have done and over the years I have tried to apologize and make amends with the people I have hurt especially those that I called my friends but it doesn’t make up for it and it doesn’t make it easier to control it either.
Last edited by deesangel on Wed Jun 11, 2008 12:11 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Postby axion » Wed Jun 11, 2008 11:01 am

deesangel,

So........ Maybe you should try 2 things.....

1. make an appointment to see a doctor who can help with H.P.D.

and

2. try to attend church and find out who Jesus Christ is all about!

If you don't get any results from step 1 that change your thinking...

I know that if you work step 2 as honestly as possible you WILL get the results you soul seeks....

I wish you well and give you a 10 out of 10 for posting and being honest in that post!!

GOD BLESS!!
:idea:
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HPD

Postby man » Wed May 20, 2009 9:50 am

wow thanks for being so honest yu can tell you needed someone or somewhere to explain yourself and how you felt, you obviously dont think you can go to anyone around you and i agree with AXION and belive you should find somthing to believe in, i myself am a Latter-Day- Saint, (mormon) and i believe in it with all my heart that is my roots i know the truth and know who i want to be. I believe that you need to find something that will always be there and something to believe in. for myself i to have some of the problems you do not as severe but some. eveything you said about men is exactly how i feel and what i do, i never like the guys but i need them to secretly like me or crush on me i pick out people who have the center of attention, i make up some lies no all the time but some that exagerate my standings or experiences, it is hard to deal with yes but i belive i have conquered most of the syptoms and now i cant stand when to much attention is given to me, sometimes i secretly want it but when i get a lot of it i breakdown becuase i just cant handle it. i hope you find yourself and your true worth- you are a duaghter of god and hope you find some faith in yourself and others. I hope you have felt better having someone kinda sorta relate to the ways you feel i know i have.
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Help for HPD

Postby canchito » Thu May 21, 2009 5:46 am

Hello everyone

I am a 28 year old male with HPD, Dependant PD and episodic Depression. I can full heartedly say that there IS help for people with PDs. The help I am receiving is called Schema Therapy and is based on a set of eleven negative schemas called LIFETRAPS. The lifetraps are:

1. Abandonment : You fear your partner abandoning you.
2. Mistrust and Abuse : You mistrust people, or end up in abusive situations.
3. Emotional Deprivation : You feel you will never get the love you need.
4. Dependence : You feel you can’t make it in life without someone to take care of you.
5. Defectiveness : You believe there is something wrong with you right at the core of your being, even if you can’t quite put your finger on just what it is.
6. Social Exclusion : You feel you will never be able to fit in socially.
7. Failure : You feel you are a failure.
8. Entitlement : Perhaps because you have suffered so much, you believe the world owes you goodies without significant effort on your part.
9. Subjugation : You feel controlled by other people.
10. Vulnerability : You fear destitution or some other calamity.
11. Unrelenting Standards : You push yourself to ever higher standards, always driving yourself and never allowing yourself time to enjoy life.

These lifetraps cover most personality disorders and my therapist sees them as the root cause of my symptoms. We have worked at identifying which ones are relevant to my life and have identified how to spot them being triggered in daily life events. It provides so much insight its unbelieveable, now when my mood changes I can identify what caused the change and understand why I behave the way I do. I've had to have some depression therapy too because that often goes with PDs because of the shere frustration your symptoms cause you.

I have also just received an occupational therapist who is looking at doing some one to one work with me to identify what areas of my life I am dependant in and how I can work on changing that. It's not easy changing these behaviours but with some hard work it can change. I guess it must be harder for people with antisocial type HPD to acknowledge their problems, fortunately I do not have very many antisocial tendencies and am more the appeasing type. I have a strong conscience and after meeting somebody I really cared about (we've been together for 6 years now) and seeing how he was affected by my behaviour I've been able to seek help. I am still stuck without a job, I've had 26 jobs in the last 10 years, about half of which I've been fired from and the other half I've left quickly. For the last 6 months I've not worked out of fear of losing my job again and just because I really acknowledge that I need help finding a job I can stick to that fulfills me properly.

I have cheated on my partner three times in six years but have never had a relationship with anyone else. Since I've received therapy I haven't cheated because I know the cost of cheating. I came clean to my partner over a year ago about the cheating and he said he knew because he'd read about my condition and acknowledged a long time ago that he may have to face that one day. I am VERY VERY lucky that he didn't punish me for this and leave, he is the best thing about my life and he keeps me on track and makes sure I go to therapy. He goes with me to all my psychiatry reviews (one every 3 months) and to all my occupational therapy appointments. He read about mental illness and has learned a lot about triggers and how to relax and reduce stress. My biggest regret is that he now has anxiety (but to be fair his dad dies 3 years ago and his mom has had leukemia 3 times recently, so its not all me).

If someone doesn't acknowledge their problems and get help I would say that they are 100% responsible for their lives going wrong and I wouldn't expect partners or friends to stick by them. However, if they do ackowledge it then they have a conscience and you can work with them to change their behaviours and mood swings. The worst thing you can do is abandon someone who knows they have a problem. I have lost my brother because of my behaviour and subsequently have never met my 3 year old nephew, there is nothing I can do to make him accept me back into his life, because he doesn't even acknowledge that my problems are part of a mental illness, he just thinks I'm a p***k, which is so unfair.

Anyway, I'm going to stop rambling now, I hope I helped a little bit. I would really recommend you mentioning schemas/lifetraps to your doctor, it really helps me amazingly.

Martin
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another victm of HPD

Postby bull head » Sun Jul 26, 2009 2:39 pm

hy people thanks for sharing your stuff. I have a gf who I believe is HPD patient. She lies for no reason and therz no way aI can stop her from attracting attention of others. Even when shez with me, she always try to capture attention. She is very impulsive. Can you pleae giude me what should i do under these circumstances. I dont feel that she is ever bothered about my biggest problems. She is always occupied by her owns. She demands too much but not ready to give anything in return !! She is very demanding. I just broke up with her. I am missing her like a crazy coz she is damn preety. I feel like making up with her. After reading all your posts I am scared. It feels these people are devils. They are emotionless freaks. They are not even humans. They are the worst people in the world. I feel like killing all these crazy freaks. They dont deserve to live. I wish I could forget her, but I dont think ill be able to. See if some one can guide me or atleast pray for me. I feel miserable.
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Postby victim20year » Sun Aug 16, 2009 8:57 am

[quote="devilman96"]I can tell you from my own 7 year relationship with a HPD wife that if ether of your spouses were HP you proably would not be saying "you think" he or she "may be"...

A few years ago after I had enough of my wife's outlandish behavior I started reading and digging... For the longest time I kept saying to myself im nuts, this is pointless, etc... One of the last things I resorted to looking into was PD's... and none seemed to remotely fit until I hit (almost lastly) HPD... When I read it I almost fell over dead... I was stunned... shocked... terrified... relieved... and scared to death.

What I am saying is that there was little to debate in my own mind at that point and every word I read... Every thing I learned... and every new leaf I uncovered about the disorder and my wife left me reeling in amazement as to the fact that PD's are a real thing.

I in speaking to Dr's... few really know much about it... its a EXTREMELY rare PD... Everyone of them will "know" of it... BUT MOST KNOW NOTHING OF DEALING WITH IT!!!! but I feel after going through about 25 different Dr's with her (plus the ones she has picked up on her own) in the past 4 or so years... maybe... and I mean MAYBE... one or two of them really had the insight and experience to work a HP patient.... and she of course hated him... Mostly due to the fact they could call her too easily and would directly go after the behavior vs. going after the after affects of her behavior.

She lies to everyone... I can not count the times we have split... nor do I care to count the sexual partners she has gone through out side of our marriage!!! She's outlandish... out of control... and honestly has no idea, rhyme or reason for knowing why or whom she really is a person. Depending on when you meet her she may tell you her profession is what it really is... she may tell you she owns some fantastic business, I've even found her telling people she's a professional "poll dance" instructor... There is always a tinge of truth but there is no reasoning (and no she is not a stripper so stop thinking it)... it is all based on her getting a reaction out of the person in front of her and spinning them into what ever fantasy, plot, or plan she has... Take the bait and she will wreck you as a friend... call her on lies and she will explode... deny her your time or attention and she will manipulate you in any way possible.... Her job, life, family, marriage, friends, pets, etc are all expendable assets and are usually (to her story) responsible for wrecking or screwing up what ever plan(s) she has...

The hard part... she's an actress... anyone and everyone that meets he is taken by her... She's wonderful... Exciting... Exhilarating... The life of the party... Excel's at her work... People have a very hard time believing she has a "problem"... and its usually dismissed as she just a little crazy... Unless a person trys to get close to her or hangs out with her for a while!!

Friends and new acquaintances are taken with her... usually after a week or two of contact with a person they disappear from her life... I've seen this over and over again... When people see the shallowness or manipulation they will RARELY stay around her... and the ones that do are usually of such low character and moral value that the company seems to fit... She feeds on what she admires and becomes that person using their body language, speech patterns, interests, likes and dislikes... It is one of the scariest things you can ever experience a person doing...

I know from watching and listening to my wife, how she carries her self, and how her interest and moods swing what she is up to... Its almost a split in personality but is never the same or consistent split.... If she becomes obsessed with her weight, dress and appearance more so than her normal obsession (it is ALWAYS an issue with her) she is ether trying to gain the attention of someone... or has been cheating on me and was dumped. If she comes home with a new fetish, like, or dislike which seems to be an over powering issue or compulsion, again its the same... I was begged, pleaded with and eventually COMMANDED to go get a piercing for about 3 weeks (I didn't)... Turned out she was pursuing and then sleeping with someone whom had them... Its embarrassing but I could give you 20 or 30 examples like this...

It seems to me that a HP's biggest fear in life is abandonment... They are so caught up in attracting people and keeping them though manipulation that they inflict their own biggest fear on themselves by driving people away...

Having a general conversation with her is fascinating... Having a in-depth or intimate conversation with her is like talking to a stump... Trying to reason with her is insanity... Trying to get her to see her behavior is possible but often times met with aggression, temper and an explosive fit of rage... It will go in a circle and never end... She ducks, dodges and rearranges everything to avoid "herself".

I could go on for hours... proably days... but I think you get the point...

Why I stay with her... I've been accused of enabling and or being codependent but I am nether. I have had my own set of problems in life before I met her and it took people looking after me whom didn't give up on me. I am by no means a saint in the relationship and before I knew what I was into I made my own mistakes with detachment (very common for a spouse in a HPD relationship)... I am hopeful that one day something will give with her... I've seen bits and pieces of it improve here and there... and I have also seen behaviors regress and become far worse, more dark, and more difficult to spot... She's an actress... and a damn good one and highly intelligent to boot!!! For myself... I have to watch everything... Its like having a child that refuses to grow up... but I was told a long time ago... If I don't keep track of her, what she is doing, whom she is with, etc things are only going regress and get worse... Personally I loath doing so... But at the same time it has allowed me to intervene on a lot of things and has also helped out tremendously in getting her to therapy... and getting her to stay in therapy... or back to it... Certain people... certain friends or family members... phone logs... email... gps... etc... The problem becomes she can turn Starbucks, the library or even a grocery store into a means for attention (positive or negative) from new people...

As I said earlier... Dr's whom know, or whom are not conned and bs'ed by HP's are rare... Pending the therapist it may be doing more harm than good!!! HP's often only seek or want help when there is a crisis in their lives... other wise... they don't care. Most Dr's want to treat the symptoms or the results of the behavior more so than the behavior its self... When I start to hear things like manic, post traumatic, depression, stress, anxiety, etc I know she will like the Dr and stay around for a while because she likes the audience. She embraces and carries the symptoms or results with her like a trophy for the attention. But if I start hearing things about behavior, actions, results, fantasy and accountability I know they are on the right track... but are not able to handle her in a way which doesn't repel her from their office... Often they simply want to talk her out of what ever hole she is currently in (depressed usually) and as soon as they do she fly's the coop so to speak.

If your spouse truly is an HP... My advice is run... run like hell and don't look back because the cost over the long haul is not worth what it does to you as a person. The best term I have heard yet is "emotional vampire"... As they are well known for sucking the life from you. If your still questioning HPD behavior don't try to play Dr... You can only attach yourself so much emotionally so your judgment is clouded... but look at the criteria... weigh it out... study the idea and go get professional help... and I HIGHLY suggest you NOT tell your spouse what your thinking... let the Dr do it over time if you get lucky enough to see a good one.[/quote][color=darkred][/color] Hi devilman96 I read your post. How cocise and exact you discribed your [ also my ] wife. thank you. It was horrible for me. 20 year pain ; not only for me but also for my 2 kids. Now Im 55 y/o trying to find a woman [1.5 year ago we divorced ].Your
post is from 8 years ago. If possible I like to know what happened to you and her? Im in grieving phase. she likes to return but.............. I feel love her but........... I will be so thankfull of you if you give me an advice.
Yours cincerely victim20year :(
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Postby Khahani987 » Thu Sep 03, 2009 1:37 pm

I read a book from Barnes and Noble that is good. It is called Loving someone with Bipolar Disorder. Check it out...it might benefit to stay in the bookstore for a while and just thumb through some of the books there on mental disorders and see what really fits. Only you know as you live with her...
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Can help be effective for histrionic personality disorder

Postby stanislarr » Thu Mar 18, 2010 4:41 am

Disorder Rating

Paranoid:Low
Schizoid:Low
Schizotypal:Moderate
Antisocial:Low
Borderline:Low
Histrionic:Low
Narcissistic:Moderate
Avoidant:Low
Dependent:Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:Low

is there something wrong with me??

i only deviated from "no" three times.

my three "nos" got me classified moderate but i disagree....

Spoiler:
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