Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders  
Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders

distressed

distressed

Postby Vince » Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:16 pm

Hi I'm new. I was diagnoised with severe anxiety dissorder and mild OCD at age 14. I'm now 17. I've found anxiety hard to deal with especaially at school but since meeting my partner over nearly a year and a half ago i have greatly improved in many ways. I'm not as frightened of people at school though still quite a bit in certain perculiar ways and I am a little less scared self concious about my skin which has always made me unhappy. However I've always been a very eccentric, extravegant and flaboyant person according to most who know me well as well as being highly strung. This has never bothered me as I just assumed I was a passionate and unusual induvidual.
But recently a friend sent me something as a joke. They sent me a description of histronic personality dissorder (HPD) as a joke to describe me. It was only a sort description saying about very emotuve, attetion seeking and inappropretly sexual.
I was slightly surprised as this seemed quite like me. I'm very sensitive and emotional and even though my anxiety has gotten slightly better my rage has become a problem and my frequent angry/vocally violent outburts terrify my mother. My anxiety and rage can even make me feel very nauseous which is a problem and give me bad headaches.
I found this discription of me having HPD mildly amusing so I showed it to my partner who immediatly said 'Oh my God thats is an exact description of you' which hurt my feelings slightly but made me panic more than anything so I showed it to my mother who got very upset cas it was very like me.

I forgot about it for awhile but I've just been looking this personality dissorder up on the internet and I am horrified by my findings. Partially as it is very like me and mostly because I don't think I want to be like that. I think two of the descriptions do not match me but how can i know this perhaps its my own ego denying what it does not want to admit. and most certainly if i dig as deep as i can the majority of descriptions of this issue describe my entire personality very closely.


I'm terrified by this discovery and am not sure what to think or do with information. I would greatly appreciate being talked to and helped.
Vince
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:04 pm
Location: UK

Postby deesangel » Wed Jun 25, 2008 9:36 am

It is not a fun disorder believe me. I was diagnosed a little over a year ago. First of all you said that you didn't think two of the descriptions didn't match you, be sure that you are not over reaching. I have been told by doctors that some people try to make themselves fit descriptions of disorders because they have always felt that they were not quite right, different or didn't fit in. I am sure everyone feels that way from time to time. I would suggest that if you feel this is what you might be suffering from contact a proffesional for a propper diagnosis.

Until I was diagnosed the trouble that followed me always felt to me as some sort of fate or bad luck always against me. It wasn't until after that I realised that though I didn't mean to cause anyone harm, (actually I couldn't stand the idea of anyone being displeased with me, so I would always play both sides.) I caused it frequently and it was my actions that were causing the drama.

Take a good hard look at yourself and be honest about the choices and things you have done in the past and present. See if you can identify why you made those choices or acted as you did. Was it attention you wanted, to feel better then others in some way or to feel more connected to the people around you. Whatever the reason if you are honest with yourself it will be easy to determine if you have this disorder. If you feel you do have this disorder I am sorry to say it doesn't get much easier. You will just have to make a conscious effort.

Take care and good luck.
deesangel
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2008 1:33 pm

Postby Vince » Thu Jun 26, 2008 4:06 am

well I have alot of intense rage outburts and I realise I'm very attetion seeking. Insanly so. I get panicy and weird if I'm not being given attention. I demand it off people constantly. I used to create drama alot which didn't work out very well.

My mum is very worried cas it seems that HPD is basically my entire personality which really bothers me cas then I don't feel that I can say or do or think or feel anything real and its all just the dissorder. I want who I am to be real and not a mental malfunction.

Two descriptions were that suffers of histronic are very shallow and tend to pic partners who are bad for them.

I don't think of myself as shallow. I mean I hate ditzy shallow people. i love philosophy and trying to discover things about the human condition.

and although perhaps the partners in the past were not right for me i met someone very different. someone mello and kind and down to earth yet very sensitive. My family actually really approve of him and think hes good for me. Thet approve of our plans to get married some day. I'm very in love but then again ppl with HPD over romanticise their relationships. I consider him my soul mate and all that dramatic stuff but i want it to be genuine not the dissorder.

Apart from this every description fits upsettingly precisely.

My mother doesn't want me to get diagnoised she says it will make everything worse.
Vince
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:04 pm
Location: UK

Postby deesangel » Wed Jul 02, 2008 8:35 am

You are very lucky to have found some one like that. I on the other hand chose some one with worse problems then my own but he is working on it.

I know it feels tricky, you feel like you don't know who you are, what your real interests are. It took me a long time to actually figure out what I really liked and not what I was interested in because it would get me attention.

I can't speak for everyone but I definately know how you feel most of my attention seeking was targeted at a specific person or group of people and when I didn't get the attention I wanted I would almost feel like pulling my hair out and I would some how try to find ways to get their attention without making it obvious. It gets a little bit easier once you know more about the disorder (or at least it does for me anyways) When you begin to feel that anxiety about not getting attention just tell yourself, that you don't really need it, its just the disorder and try to push through it.

Its funny you brought up psychology! I have always been interested in that myself. I love studying human behaviour and trying to figure out why people act/think the way they do. Maybe because I knew I had a problem before I realized it!LOL

What has also helped for me at least (I don't know if you have the same problem) but I also have a problem completing tasks or goals. There is always a long list of things I want to accomplish but I can never stick with it. So I decided to get back into reading, for me its like getting into some one elses head for a while and it gives me a break from my own but also when I read something large it almost feels like a small accomplishment. If you do have the same problem, find something you are interested in and try to stick with it.

Don't worry about HPD making up you entire personality, the way I look at it is you have to have a personality to begin with in order for it to have a disorder! You just have to figure out who you really are and that is something that takes time even for those that don't have disorders.

Looking back now I guess I always felt like there wasn't much about me that was interesting or deserved attention which is why I craved it so much. You just have to break the trend and find out what truly interests you. Take it one step at a time and if you have the support from your b/f then it can really make a difference. Try to be as honest with him as possible it will help.
deesangel
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2008 1:33 pm

Postby Vince » Wed Jul 09, 2008 2:17 pm

hey mate I thought i replied to your last post but it didn't go through. Your words really d encourage me though. Its nice to know there are people that feel the same way. many of the things you mention seem similar to my situation. If you would like to talk i could give my msn. PM me if that suits u
Vince
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:04 pm
Location: UK


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