Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders  
Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders

Losing my mind

Losing my mind

Postby mentalducky » Fri May 30, 2008 11:43 am

It seems that as of late, I am living for everyone but myself. It may sound selfish, but I am so tired of dealing with other people!!! I wish I could just crawl under a rock and sleep for the next 5 years.

Here's the background...
I have 2 children ages 11 and 7. My live-in boyfriend has 2 children ages 2 and 5. We all live together (he has custody of his also), and have been in this arrangement for about a year. There is CONSTANT stress. We are currently dealing with the normal blended family issues, being step parents, visitation with biological parents, child support, etc. The problems come in because his ex-wife is a dead-beat. Doesn't pay, won't participate in t-ball; the list goes on and on. Recently, the 2 year old (little girl) came home from her mom's with hand prints bruised into her leg. Her mom's boyfriend had spanked her hard enough that when we got her back 2 days later, we could still see the outline of his fingers. Now the police are involved and CPS.

Then, my oldest is a tween who is about to start middle school and is already boy-crazy. STRESS, STRESS, STRESS
We live paycheck-to-paycheck. Don't get me wrong, we have a beautiful house, decent vehicles, food on the table, but the finances are always a source of more STRESS.

Maybe we sound normal to you, but it all gets more complicated by the fact that I am bi-polar. I have been on effective medication for years. I know my triggers, and most of the time I do pretty well. Family and friends have noticed a dramatic difference in my behavior and coping skills in recent years.

All of that being said, my boyfriend seems to have some pretty severe issues himself that he doesn't want to acknowledge or get treated for. I have been up front with him about my own illness, so now every time we disagree about anything, he tries to make me feel like I'm the one with the problem, he is never wrong, etc. He has anger management issues, and the more I read about borderline personality disorder, the more it reminds me of him.

One minute he says I'm the best thing that ever happened to him and his children, the next minute he says he wants me to leave. He cornered me in the bathroom and wouldn't let me out until I told him he was right about everything, that I was wrong, and that I was sorry. The silly thing is, he got angry because I asked him a very simple and innocent question that he didn't want to answer. He told me it was a stupid question and accused me of picking at him and attacking him for no reason. His kids were at their mom's, so he locked the doors to their bedrooms. All I asked was why the doors were locked. Didn't accuse him of anything. I figured he must have had a reason. I was only curious about what that reason was. And, when things get really awful, he self-mutilates. Sometimes he doesn't go through with it, but threatens to do it, and in the last year has mentioned suicide at least once.

Anyway, I am exhausted, totally. The problem is that I love all of the kids. My oldest daughter's father is now homeless, and a dead-beat, and she has become very attached to my boyfriend. (The kids don't witness the fighting and we are all lucky for that). We have the life that, on the surface, most people dream about. Before we got together, I was trying to make it on my own with my girls, and not doing so well. We lived in a run-down mobile home and I drove a junk car. Financially speaking, our lives are 1000 times better than before. And then of course, there's her age. How can I disrupt her life when she is going to be transitioning into the teenage years. Doesn't she have enough to deal with? And the little ones have all been through so much already.

What am I suppose to do?
mentalducky
 
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