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Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders

My husband is a voyeur, please help!

My husband is a voyeur, please help!

Postby teacherk » Fri Feb 08, 2008 12:59 pm

Hello everyone,
I am new one here and really need help. I recently found out that my husband is a voyeur after being caught on camera peeping into our best friend's house. They suspected someone had been trying to break in after seeing shadows in their back yard after the husband left to work in the mornings. They installed a camera and caught my husband. I confronted him and he admitted to doing this to people in the neighborhood for a year and a half now-soon after we got married and moved into our new home. This whole time he would go on walks and bike rides and be gone for 1-2 hours. I'm completely devasted because I don't know what to do or if this is the end of our marriage. I don't know if I should go file for divorce because he betrayed me and our marriage and I will have a hard time ever trusting again. Or if I should stick by his side and get help. He is devasted too and is extremely sorry and embarrased this happend. He has already started seeing a pschyatrist, but I just don't know if our marriage can survive this...please help, I'm desperate.

Thanks in advance~
teacherk
 
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Postby wolverin » Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:31 am

Have u attempted to find out or ask 'why' he did that? And up to what pleasure he gained peeping others? Hmm, and I'm not sure if one could call it as a betrayal as of this stage.

If u already have kids, I presumeably recommend to keep your marriage. The kids 'need' a father, or the separation may later inherit other disorders and inflictions on the kids, which u don't want that to happen. And in this longer period, u will have time to investigate and find solution for your husband.
wolverin
 
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Don't Leave HIM

Postby MYPhuckeduplife » Wed Mar 05, 2008 2:18 pm

Would you leave him if he had cancer? Ofcourse not! So don't leave him because of this disease of peeping. And I asure you it is a disease. Being caught was the best thing that could have happened to him. Go to couseling with him. Make sure he is talking the complete truth to his therapist about what happened.
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Postby kallisti » Wed Mar 05, 2008 4:57 pm

First of all - take a deep breath!
I can relate...now, I am not pretending to be a counselor here. I am only sharing my own thoughts...and gosh, I hope I can help you a little bit.

Please keep a few things in mind. You are not responsible for his actions. You are not at fault. He has a problem and he needs therapy.

He can (probably has) make all kinds of promises that he'll never do it again, but without help from a qualified professional, it's as futile as a diabetic promising never to have high blood sugar again! It's a disorder... a deep seated compulsion. Please read up on it and empower yourself.

It does NOT mean he is a bad or harmful person. It does NOT mean he is a PERVERT. He is a human being who has likely been living with shame based issues for a long time. But he can be helped. You can too!

I bet you're feeling pretty betrayed, hurt and confused right now. But I'll tell you something, this problem coming out can be the best thing that ever happened to him. Now he can get help...now he can learn to live and deal with his stresses and problems free of shame...and with time and therapy you can have a better, more honest relationship.

Please be kind to yourself. I don't think you mentioned whether the law was involved. I'll tell you, with our case they were - and thankfully, it scared the daylights out of my husband, and gave me some leverage to insist that he either get help, get serious about it, or get out. Thankfully, he chose to get help.

(((hug)))
kallisti
 
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Re: My husband is a voyeur, please help!

Postby spikegomez » Tue Nov 04, 2008 10:50 am

[quote="teacherk"]Hello everyone,
I am new one here and really need help. I recently found out that my husband is a voyeur after being caught on camera peeping into our best friend's house. They suspected someone had been trying to break in after seeing shadows in their back yard after the husband left to work in the mornings. They installed a camera and caught my husband. I confronted him and he admitted to doing this to people in the neighborhood for a year and a half now-soon after we got married and moved into our new home. This whole time he would go on walks and bike rides and be gone for 1-2 hours. I'm completely devasted because I don't know what to do or if this is the end of our marriage. I don't know if I should go file for divorce because he betrayed me and our marriage and I will have a hard time ever trusting again. Or if I should stick by his side and get help. He is devasted too and is extremely sorry and embarrased this happend. He has already started seeing a pschyatrist, but I just don't know if our marriage can survive this...please help, I'm desperate.

Thanks in advance~[/quote]
I think wolverin is right, if you have kids, just stay with him, preserve your family... this is just my opinion..
spikegomez
 
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