DISASSOCIATIVE OR DEPERSONALIZATION DISORDER

[seminolepride]

Is there anyone who has struggled with these disorders or episodes. I was taken from my mother who I dearly loved at the age of 4 and separated from my sister by the age of 5. The foster parents that I had been placed with adopted me. The woman was extremely evil. She verbally, emotionally, sexually and physically abused me until I left home.

When I was placed with her, she cut my waist long hair, changed my name and told me that my "mommy didn't want me anymore" and I had to call her "mommy". She wouldn't tell me where I was born and I didn't find out until I was 17years old. When papers were sent home at the beginning of each school year she would always fill in the blank for "place of birth" as "UNKNOWN". I feel that she robbed me of my identify at a very young age.

I've had episodes of what I described as "spacing out". Tests concluded that I didn't have any forms of epilespsy or brain damage. When I described the feeling of "my mind leaving my body" while I was still functioning, a psychologist said that she suspected that I suffered from disassociative disorder and possibly Post traumatic Stress.

Now that I finally have answers and know that I'm not "crazy", I don't know if I feel good or bad about the diagnosis. I think that good part is that disassociating myself from the abuse was a coping mechanism that wouldn't allow me to feel the pain. I'm confused, though, because I think maybe I should have felt the pain to prevent the situations that I have had to deal with.

Has anyone ever experienced anything like I have described?[/b]

[dewriter]

Hi, I suspect that my mother suffered from this. There was never a clearcut diagnosis ( biploar, chronic fatigue syndrome, question of schizophrenia, etc.) and she has been gone for 5 years now. Everyone else has passed on too in my family except for my brother and cousins (I'm 52), so there's no one to ask. My brother once said to me, "I feel like I was raised by 2 different mothers." My mother had a distinct personality change, look, and demeanor when she became this "other person." She fluctuated back and forth most of our lives, but it lessened as she aged. I asked her about it once and she was unaware of the changes. Like yourself, she had a traumatic childhood - losing her father in a freak accident at age 4, then losing 2 brothers at 7 (There was guilt from the 7 year old's death by a car accident when my mother was supposed to be watching him.) and 27. She suffered a divorce, a mental breakdown and hospitilization, and health problems before I was born. During my lifetime she endured 5 separate cancers and died at age 81. I think it is fortunate that you found out now and there's a name for it and professionals who can help you. I am still piecing together my childhood, as there was no help back then. My father's mental history was just as complex. I left home at 16, because the stress became unbearable, and I moved in with a friend and her family. Fortunately, the worst I have suffered from all of this has been anxiety and panic attacks, but it's under control. My brother had a breakdown over 30 years ago and recovered. There's so much more help out there today, compared to when we were growing up! So take advantage of it, and I believe you can overcome your battle and live a productive life. Best wishes to you.