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Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders

Does my boyfriend have OCPD? OCD? Please help!

Does my boyfriend have OCPD? OCD? Please help!

Postby sallysue » Sun May 09, 2010 11:28 am

Hi,

My boyfriend told me a while ago that he used to suffer from OCD as a child, but says he is now over it. Ever since we first got together I've been quite confused by his personality and behaviour. He is incredibly hard working and obsessed with doing well and not letting his parents or tutors down. He is very rigid in his work schedule and finds spontaneity very difficult. We've been together a year and he has only come to see me on a whim once, despite living 15 mins walk away from each other. He also almost always rejects my offers of spontaneity, for example popping by on my way back from work for a quick cuppa, or staying at his house on a whim after neeting up with friends. I know he is busy with uni work but this is quite extreme! He also has a real problem staying at my house when he has to go to uni the next day as he says he needs to have the morning routine at his house and make sure he is all set up for the day. I can understand this but he is especially unnerved by a disruption to his routine. When he does stay over at the weekend, he always leaves really early, and if I manage to persuade him to have a lie in (on a sunday!), it is obvious he cannot relax because of what he might need to achieve that day. I have tried to encourage spontaneity and flexibility but to no avail. He is also very tidy and organised, keeping his desk and bedroom perfect. He is very conscious of what people think of his and is definitely what you may call a "people pleaser". Also, he finds it difficult to integrate me into big groups of friends. I think this is because he is worried about being able to please every one in these situations. He always makes a big effort in order to make people like him and I think he can find this exhausting.

It is difficult to not feel sometimes that he just doesn't want to spend time with me, as I don't really understand his behaviour or rigidity. I know he loves me and all the big stuff is there (meeting family etc) but I have just always had this underlying feeling of him not wanting to spend time with me outside the timetables slots, which can make me feel unloved/unneeded/unwanted :( It would be so helpful and reassuring if anyone has any comments or ideas about this? Thank you so much!

P.S. Sorry for the essay! I've just been worrying about this for ages!
sallysue
 
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Joined: Sun May 09, 2010 10:54 am

Postby dazed » Sun Aug 08, 2010 6:44 pm

Hi sallysue,

this certainly sounds like a very difficult situation. it's hard to understand and accept behaviour that affects you when your boyfriend doesn't talk to you about it. i guess the two things to consider here is firstly whether is is suffering from a 'disorder'. The majority of people have thoughts and behaviours akin to those experienced by people with obsessive-compulsive disorders..this includes all types of compulsive thoughts and behaviour. someone is characterised as suffering with a disorder if these thoughts and behaviour impair their ability to function happily on a daily basis. For example, not being able to have a normal relationship would count, as would experiencing extreme stress. the difference between ocd and ocpd is insight. those with ocpd have no insight, think their behaviour and thoughts are completely normal and rational, whereas those with ocd realise what they're doing is irrational, but can't stop. Either way you should talk to him about it. he may realise he's being irrational, but fear talking to you about it for other reasons. If you're finding it difficult, communication is the only way forward, so talk to him first and see what happens. Either you find a way to make it work so that you feel loved and appreciated and can understand his 'eccentricities', or you offer to support him in getting some help to change his patterns. Good luck and i hope it works out
dazed
 
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Joined: Sun Aug 08, 2010 6:20 pm

Postby ctian25 » Sun Aug 08, 2010 7:54 pm

i agree its kind of a difficult situation.. maybe he should get a check up..
ctian25
 
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Joined: Sun Aug 08, 2010 7:49 pm


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