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Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders

I don't know how to help my daughter...

I don't know how to help my daughter...

Postby joshkateapril » Tue Feb 23, 2010 9:27 am

I am new to this community. I need help figuring out my 8 year old daughter. I'm afraid that she might need professional help not just discipline for her behaviors. My 9 year old son has ADHD so I am somewhat familiar with what normal behavior is NOT. The first time I noticed odd behavior from her was when she was 19 months old and we brought home her baby sister. After a little while I figured out why our baby would cry like she was hurt every time we left her alone with her sister. I didn't think it was an issue to worry about until she got older and I realized that the behavior did not go away. KK seems to not understand when she's being mean or physically hurting someone. Most of the time it seems that she didn't realize what she did and if we try to discipline her for it she gets really upset like she doesn't understand or she says it was an accident. Another issue with KK is that she has no social skills. She either just simply cannot make friends and stays alone or she makes a friend then bugs them with odd teasing type behavior. It takes her a very long time to make a friend. The part of her behavior that truly bothers me the most is her total disregard for someones feelings or reactions to the way she is treating them. She tortures her little sister with this type of behavior. Bed time is really hard because it is the only time of day that she actually seems hyperactive. Since her and her little sister share a bed it's always a challenge to get her to bed. Just about every night her little sister comes out of the room saying that KK is being mean and won't let her sleep. KK thinks its funny when she hurts someone on purpose or intentionally and she thinks its funny when she is in trouble. Just talking to her about her behavior is frustrating as hell. She just sits there and laughs or smirks at us. She is very rude and disrespectful to me. She's a perfect little angel at school with her teacher but then when shes home the only time she is nice or normal is when she knows there will be a reward, otherwise she can care less about how she makes me feel and she seems to delight in how she makes me feel. We do not spank but we do use 1-2-3 Magic and it works great for the most part for our entire family (4kids) I give KK extra affection because I feel that she just has that type of personality that needs extra affection. We also take away privileges and withhold rewards that the other kids are getting. I am writing because I really need help figuring this out. I am not assuming that she has a mental disorder but I know better than to over look the possibility. Also, we owe it to her to get extra help if she needs it. I just hope someone out there can relate and give me some insight. Thank you!
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Postby gaias1 » Tue Mar 09, 2010 2:39 pm

I went through that with one of my daughters too. EXACTLY! Finally, after all the people she hurt, I found out she was giving the dog marshmallows and I threatened to get rid of him. It seems to have changed her. Just having the dog in house (pug) in general has made her more sensitive. For whatever reason, the dog picked her. He only wants to be with her. I cannot explain it. It's like he opened this little door of her heart and she is totally different now. Its been 1.5 years.
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Postby joshkateapril » Tue Mar 09, 2010 3:49 pm

That is really cool! Thanks for sharing, I hope we can find something like that for her to connect with. Right now she is doing much better but she goes in phases typically.... we are hoping and praying for the best for her!!
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Help your daughter

Postby Blaze » Sat Mar 13, 2010 10:37 pm

Hi my nephew used to do that and we had him tested for Autism, come to find out all of his behavior was due to Ashpergers, he is on clonidine and is in early intervention, his behavior is improving. Have you had your daughter tested for Ashpergers or autism? Try to find out and read up on the topics I have mentioned.Take Care let me know either way.[/b]
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Postby mypd » Wed Mar 17, 2010 2:05 am

Pet therapy is such a healing thing. (I even still spend a few extra minutes with my cat)

My ex-girlfriends daughter was as you described. It was frustrating because once we convinced her and the neighborhood kids to play together, she would wait until the coast was clear and start hitting the others. She also progressed to shock value. Doing attention seeking behavior but to an extreme where the school would call us for help but the only way to calm things was to drive there.

The doctor finally did some tests and she was diagnosed with (what I understand to be) Behavioral turrets. (Ashburgers?) The meds helped a great deal in giving her the time to think first.

I know it must be a very tiring time for you and wish you all the best
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help my daughter

Postby jcs » Wed Mar 17, 2010 9:46 pm

Pet therapy in many various forms is awsome... dogs, cats, horses, etc. but first you NEED to KNOW what you are dealing with. As a mental health professional i suggest you make an appointment with a child psychologist and get some testing done. Or even a child psychiatrist... they are more expensive and more prone to medicate..You may even start with a social worker who is LICENSED specfically for children..The psychiatrist will probably refer you to a psychologist for the testing.. some psychologists can prescribe medications as well. so I would start there... hope to hear good news!
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Postby jcs » Wed Mar 17, 2010 9:52 pm

oh, and be careful.. i don't want to give you something else to worry about but if KK is being that mean to her sister you may want to put one of those room monitors in their room.. like parents do for babies.. don't make a big deal out of it. place it in the least obvious place and make no comment.. you never know when the sister may be in serious trouble... and require some help. Of course if you tell KK she will only use it against you and turn it off and make it a control issue. Unless, you make her comfortable with it out of concern for BOTH of them. Not a trust issue with just her.... at least until you know what it is that you are dealing with and she is more predictable
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Re: I don't know how to help my daughter...

Postby 5bundlesofjoy » Fri Mar 26, 2010 9:26 am

I was just doing some research on the recent diagnosis we received for our (soon to be) 8 yo daughter. It was almost like you were writing about MY child! We brought her into a very nice and helpful place here run by a hospital that concentrates on the emotional development of children. After a series of tests and meetings, we went in yesterday for the results. I was happy to know that she does NOT have Aspergers like I had thought, but was shocked to know that she has her own handful of issues that I can thank her biological father for. One of those things that she was diagnosed with what Chronic Adjustment Disorder on the conduct and emotional level. After reading it in it's entirety, I have realized that it describes her to a T! She also has no fear of strangers, has problems creating friendships because most of the children don't understand her "lack of" not using the "private bubble" method.

It's nice to know now that I have something to go off of when myself and the school continue to come up with a plan for her success.

You know your child more than anyone else around her and if you sense something is not right, or for the lack of a better word "normal", then by all means....go have it checked out while she's young. I feel your pain and confusion. I know it's hard but knowing what you can do to change it and help your daughter succeed in life....is SO worth the time it will take to have her assessed.

MUCH LUCK TO YOU AND YOURS!
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Postby 5bundlesofjoy » Fri Mar 26, 2010 9:30 am

another thing I was going to add....which struck me as odd. Out of of 5 children, our dogs are partial to that child as well. Following her around, playing outside with her, sleeping either in bed with her or right next to her bed, sitting at her feet while we are all watching a movie.

I would say it's safe to assume that children with special needs have a special glow about them that dogs LOVE and want to protect. :)
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