Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders  
Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders

Something is wrong with me.

Something is wrong with me.

Postby SethAsylum » Tue Feb 02, 2010 4:06 pm

Well, first off, my name is Seth, I just registered on this site, and what I'm about to tell you, I'm being completely honest about and usually people think it's funny but it's not.

Ok, so...I have no friends, I don't have a job, I don't have my GED yet. I don't have a car, I believe everything I think is pointless and stupid. Sometimes when I am alone I will scream things like "failure" or "die" or "i wish that i would just die" over and over and over for like five minutes but I will sing it like it's a song. And sometimes when I think, OTHER people's voices speak, like people from movies or people I know.
I had a good relationship with my mother and father until they got divorced and lost their jobs and my dad went to jail when I was 14 and I haven't seen him since. I now live with my mom and her boyfriend.
They are always getting angry at me and telling me to get a job and my GED, and it just makes me feel bad and want to kill myself more.

I am socially awkward and I believe no one is attracted to me. I use my imagination a lot, sometimes I will literally just stare and imagine all kinds of weird things. I will literally imagine myself and someone else having a conversation and I will imagine myself or them reacting in weird ways. I imagine hurting people. (but i wont hurt anyone because of jail) I don't believe in "god" Well, actually I believe there is a creator, but the "god" that people depict sounds like bullshit. I believe we are just lost in some point in time (i also believe time never had a beginning or an end) I believe when we die, we will either become another organism instantly (because you cant feel time when you're dead) or we will literally just experience complete nothingness forever.

Some days I am very excited for no apparent reason and giggly and laughing and other days I will be so depressed that I get absorbed into my imagination and just not be able to think right at all, sometimes it feels good and sometimes I just wish I had a gun so I could end it all.
I can't concentrate on my schoolwork, and the weird thing is, I'm not always like this. I may not have any of these problems some days and some days I may have all these problems.

I am going to a therapist/psychatrist on Feb. 10th to get some kind of medication or whatever. Any thoughts on what might be wrong with me?
Last edited by SethAsylum on Tue Feb 02, 2010 4:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Schizotypes » Wed Feb 03, 2010 10:45 am

Sounds like me when I was your age. Except I had taken God very seriously. They told me that my belief in God would be "maladaptive" was the specific word they had used. Sounds to me like you may have what I have and I would tell you to go get it investigated. Trouble with it is the testing isn't cheap, it can cost over $3500 to go get an evaluation.
Seth, my condition is called Schizotypal Personality Disorder. It doesn't mean that I am a schizophrenic or have multiple personalities. I had many of the same things going on with me in my life as you have described. People are always so quick to slap a label on you and say that you are a basket case or some other term for someone who isn't "normal." Truth is Seth, you may have a condition, but in seeing that Doctor you may be able to get a handle on your situation and learn to deal with it. My situation never "goes away" I just learn to deal with it better. Try to get that GED or diploma. Doing it is going to suck really bad but once you are there it will be the best thing for you.

Seth I'm not a doctor, I am a person who likes to help people, I am not certified in anything and am only someone who draws on his own experiences to do that with. I had to take a variety of tests to have the conclusion of what my condition is determined.

Some of the tests I had to take were the Rorsach Inkblot test, Minnesota Multi-Phasic Peronality Inventory (MMPI) and several others, these were often like tests in school that give you multiple choice answers and you pick the answers that apply to you most. Sometimes they repeat the question, though they may ask it a little differently to check you for consistency. Seth you sound like a smart young guy. You have your whole life before you and to be where you are I know you have been through a lot. I too have been there and have done many of the same things you have.
You need to get a handle on it. It's there and what you do with it is solely up to you. You always have two choices. You can try to make a positive difference or you would make a negative difference and what you do will impact your life tremendously in either direction. I'll be your friend here on the internet. I sometimes still feel like a failure in life but I know I am not. I've been through hell too. I don't care about things like sports but love movies, especially super hero and science fiction movies. These are my coping mechanisms, but we should talk I think. I can tell you what my experiences were and are and how I dealt with them. As I said I have had many of the same problems. Look up on Google Schizotypal Personality Disorder. Look at the symptoms and tell me if that's not you.

(From the Mayo Clinic)

Symptoms of schizotypal personality disorder include

■Incorrect interpretation of events, including feeling that external events have personal meaning
■Peculiar thinking, beliefs or behavior
■Belief in special powers, such as telepathy
■Perceptual alterations, in some cases bodily illusions, including phantom pains or other distortions in the sense of touch
■Idiosyncratic speech, such as loose or vague patterns of speaking or tendency to go off on tangents
■Suspicious or paranoid ideas
■Flat emotions or inappropriate emotional responses
■Lack of close friends outside of the immediate family
■Persistent and excessive social anxiety that doesn't abate with time

Not all of these are going to apply to you but some may very well. One of the things I like to fight with most about this is lack of close friends. I like to make friends and be a friend. I feel that I'm doing just that just by telling you about this. Seeing how I have this condition I can recognize the situation because I'm so there. You should talk to a Doctor and get evaluated. I know you probably don't trust Doctors as far as you can throw them, I don't either and I feel that they are a bunch of money grubbers. But some can help. Do your best to maintain privacy. If your private Doctor ever got to share a file with a school Doctor you would be so screwed because that will follow you the rest of your life. I know what I am talking about.
Schizotypal Personality Disorder is terminal. There is no cure for it. But there are ways to deal with it. It's not contagious or anything you are not going to shake somebody's hand and get it.
You are not a freak and you are not alone. We are just different and we need to accept that. Normal people need to accept that about us too.
Killing yourself isn't the answer Seth. You being dead isn't doing anybody any good. Your parents still love you even if you feel they don't.
I'm 40 years old. There are many opportunities in life I wish I could have reached out and grabbed when I was your age and didn't because I didn't know how to or did not feel confident enough to do it. This time in your life right now is so critical and things you do now are going to impact for the rest of your life. You can make right choices. You just need somebody to help point you in the right direction. A therapist can be of some help.
It's not shameful to go to one even if you feel that all they do is doodle all over a legal pad. They may be able to help you get to a doctor (psychiatrist) who can prescribe you a medicine that might even be able to get somethings in your head cleared up. I only wish I could get that.
Seth look into these things. It's not going to be all that easy for you if you let your pride/ego be in the way but these things may help provide a way forward for you. Please look into it. I hope I helped.
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Postby SethAsylum » Wed Feb 03, 2010 9:12 pm

Thanks for replying, I thought no one was going to reply.
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Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2010 3:43 pm

Postby star2010 » Wed Feb 03, 2010 9:43 pm

Hi Seth,
There may not be a 'pill' to be dispensed, your therapist will want to take time with you to find out how long you have been feeling and thinking the way you do, triggers etc.
You may have a mental disorder that requires medication temporarily or permanently or you may be having a mental breakdown which you can be helped with by working with a good therapist.
Your therapist will be working with you, a partner in finding out what your issues are.
You say you dont have many friends, but as the previous poster spent a long time writing to you, there are people that care about you and they haven't even met you!
Good luck with the therapy, work with your therapist to gain the most out of it, you don't have to tell them everything all at once, just a couple bits at a time and the conversation will lead itself to the core of what the problem is.
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Postby Schizotypes » Wed Feb 03, 2010 10:10 pm

sometimes it might take a little bit of time before somebody gets to it, please bear with it. its not that you are being ignored
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Postby AlexaD » Sat May 08, 2010 8:56 am

I've been researching schizotypy for a class paper with a focus on treatment through creative arts therapy and one of the things that came up several times was how creative schizotypals can be. I also saw a short video about a man with schizophrenia (which is genetically related to Schizotypal Personality Disorder) who was able to focus his thoughts so much more clearly while he was creating works of art (he is a visual artist). You may or may not have discovered this talent in yourself already but it might be something worth exploring, including with a creative arts therapist, but also on your own. There are various kinds of creative arts therapists out there - art, music, drama, dance/movement, poetry.
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