Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders  
Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders

another messed up 20 something

another messed up 20 something

Postby highstrung » Sat Mar 10, 2007 4:28 am

hi, i am a 20 year old student at a liberal arts college and i'm not going to lie i've been "troubled" for some time now.

i currently suffer from EDNOS purging type (and i've had an eating disorder for 4 years now) and i think i might also suffer from borderline personality disorder:

i'm a highly reactionary person, i hold grudges and i am prone to fits of anxiety and sadness. many of my "reactionary" emotions are brought on by my interactions (or sometimes lack there of) with friends and a constant fear that my friends are either trying to ditch me or constantly talking about me when i am not present and planning malicious ways in which to get rid of me and that they really just do not like me in general and constantly go out of their way to avoid me. i have serious trust issues because of this. i have a terrible self-image (obviously this plays a HUGE part in my ED). i'm a recovered self-mutilator (i cut from age 13-16, i've had minor relapses since age 16 but nothing as serious or regular as my actions when i was between the ages of 13 and 16) and i've also had alcohol poisoning 4 times and often times don't know or care about my limits. i have control issues, major control issues and i try to be in control of every aspect of my life which often backfires and results in me poorly coping with my failure to keep my shit in order.

i cannot talk to people about these things. no one knows that i have an ongoing eating disorder, no one knows how affected and reactionary i am by what they say or how they treat me. i really don't know what to do, these fits of sadness and anxiety and other extreme reactions are becoming more and more common and i am becoming more and more distant from most of my friends at college (although i swear i feel like it's because they don't want me around). i love my college, i love all i am learning, i love the professors and i love being an english major but i am becoming stressed about having to go back (i'm on spring break and at home currently--well until monday) and having to deal with everything, because at least while i am on break i have a house to myself (both my parents work) and i don't have to deal with anyone.
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Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2007 3:55 am

Postby ebie » Sun Mar 18, 2007 3:04 pm

I am not entirely sure if there was a question embedded in there. It seems you may be wondering if you are borderline and that your emotions are escalating. I would be less concerned with labeling what is wrong with you, and concentrate on getting yourself some support and work towards getting better. you have good insight into your behaviors and understand how your reactions to others may be out of proportion. I think you would really benefit from therapy. If you have one already, assess whether or not its working for you. Sometimes it takes shopping around to find a good fit. Meds may help with the emotional lability. College can be a big adjustment, particularly if you are having emotional problems. Fortunately, many campuses offer free services if you can't afford private therapy.
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Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 3:12 pm

I feel the same way

Postby babyhead » Tue Aug 21, 2007 1:23 pm

You are not alone. I feel the same way. I never did the mutilation thing but I understand. I feel I cannot trust people either-that there is an alterior motive or something. I feel as though I have to always have my "game face" with people. If they saw what was really happening inside of me they would freak out. My emotions are also reactionary-I get angry and get real quiet because I don't know how to handle them. I have become a master in the art of pretend that everything is fine. Inside I feel like screaming or crying. I also suffer from a low self image. I envy people that appear to accept themselves. I cannot. I constantly attack myself to my husband and inside. I really can't even tell him everything I am feeling because I cannot always articulate it & he just basically tells me that I am nuts to feel so bad about myself. I really need help. I feel like I am in prison within myself. Seeing what you wrote sort of put my own feelings in perspective. My apologies for taking so long to write my story - I was unaware of this website. If you ever want to talk I am here. Anyone else feel this way??
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Joined: Tue Aug 21, 2007 1:04 pm

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