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Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders

I need help with my 8 year old daughter

I need help with my 8 year old daughter

Postby bjmscowgirl » Wed Jan 06, 2010 2:01 am

I think my 8 year old daughter has NPD. I lived with a guy, who was not her biological dad for 7 years and have left him since september. I met him when my daughter was a little over a year old.
He seemed to be the perfect guy when I had met him. he had a farm and animals and that was exactly what I wanted. Although over the years I began to realize that "he could do no wrong". Everything he thought, did, said, was always perfect, even if you called him on it. Confronting him didn't happen very often because he got very angry and verbally abusive.
I had to work most of the time because he had a "farm" to look after so he spent a lot of time "raising" my daughter. When I actually was home, there seemed to be no time for anything but work.
I had a drinking problem which I've now overcome and sometimes think that the problems that I'm having with my daughter are all my fault because of that.
I have since met an absolutely wonderful guy who thinks the world of me. He adores my daughter but absolutely hates the way she treats me. She yells and has a fit everytime she doesn't get her way, she has no compassion for anyone else, she has one friend from school, but if they don't play what she wants, she gets mad. she hits me one in a while, says she hates me and once she told me that she was going to kill me. I brushed that one off (for now).
I'm pretty sure that she has this disorder because she doesn't think about anyone else but herself. she cries, but you can tell that it's because she's trying to be manipulative and 2 seconds later, she's fine.
i really want to help her before this gets really out of hand and no one will want to be around her. She's only in grade 3 and I'd hate for her to be the one hated all through school. I would appreciate any help and ideas as to how to nip this in the bud. he wants to see her, but hasn't except to sneak into the school at the christmas concert to take her a gift to the classroom. what a sneaky jerk! :twisted:
Okay i'll stop now. Please help me to somehow help my daughter before it's too late. She can be so nice and she really is a good kid, she just needs a bit of a detour in her attidude. Thanks
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Postby Bubblebeam » Mon Feb 08, 2010 10:46 pm

Hmmm.. Why you're posting this in a personality-disorder forum is beyond me, but i'll answer anyway, since i have a feeling i know what this is :D Note that im just a 20 year old guy still living at home while working! but i've seen situations like that with young kids before, and it's a matter of raising them the wrong way. I doubt your alcohol-issue had anything to do with it, it just sounds like your daughter is used to getting her way. A child will automatically try to find a way to make it get what it wants. so if your daughter wants something, she'll try to get it. where parents normally slip up is when a child for instance starts yelling "i hate you", or in your case "i'll kill you!". then she does that because she's used to getting what she wants afterward. i'd guess that the guy raising your daughter let her have her way, and that you give in when she screams etc. and yes, she does only thing about herself, there's nothing else on her mind. people become like that when they dont learn the lesson that the world isnt centered around them. She'll start caring about others and get more friends when she finds out that sometimes she cant have what she wants. Be certain and secure when you tell her something, and NEVER go back on your word. So if you tell her she cant have an icecream and she starts yelling, then you have to be prepared to NEVER give up. not if she screams all week. (and although it's none of my business, i'd say you should leave the guy you live with. he's gonna have a bad influence on the child, since he's most likely the one to cause it in the first place. Anyway, you should be happy, this is easy to do something about :)
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Postby Bubblebeam » Mon Feb 08, 2010 10:50 pm

Also, by the way, the crying is because she has experience with that helping her get what she wants!
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Postby star2010 » Thu Feb 11, 2010 4:34 am

Bubblebeam... you sound pretty mature and very knowledgeable for your age, you will make a great dad.
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Location: Australia

re:

Postby kingmaker » Mon Feb 15, 2010 1:41 am

Nice explanation Bubblebeam... I am very amazed...
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Postby gaias1 » Tue Mar 09, 2010 2:00 pm

Wow! I really feel for you and your daughter. Overcoming alcohol isnt easy. I have let a lot of people in my life go because they had a problem and never cared enough to get it fixed. But you did. Now it's time for some final cleanup.

I had something similar happen with my daughter. I was never a drinker, but I was a single mom raising two kids. I was never available for them when they needed me. Work was always more important trying to make ends meet and STILL they never got any extras. . At least they felt that way. So in the eyes of our children, its all the same. Once I finally got a good job (started my own business), remarried, felt happy etc etc, my daughter developed this "Who the hell are you" additude. Sort of like I didn't deserve happiness for all the pain I put her through. It seemed like the better my life became, the more she hated me. As if she were addicted to turmoil or something. But while I always considered her feelings, I NEVER nurtured them if they were distorted. I just kept doing my thing and being happy. Eventually (after 2 years of hating everything about me) she decided to jump on the bandwagon. I guess she realized that it's ok to be happy. It's ok to trust. And that she WILL get hurt several times through life, and that it's ok to forgive. I had to always make sure that I didnt blame myself too much. For instance when she told me she hated me, even though I deserved to hear it, I still grounded her for a day or two without TV. Im her mom. She cant talk to me like that until she's 20! :) Good luck to you and be a mom and dont feel guilty. You have overcome the most difficult disease I have ever heard of! And your daughter will see that one day.
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