Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders  
Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders

Something is wrong with me, can anyone help?

Something is wrong with me, can anyone help?

Postby dutches401 » Sun Sep 06, 2009 2:08 am

I really just need help identifying. If I knew exactly what wiring was screwed up inside my head I would probably be so much more comfortable about it...or not.

I do not like to talk about personal things so I decided to bring it to an internet forum, if the suggestions where serious enough I would talk to somebody about it.

I have technically already been diagnosed with Panic Disorder. But I truly believe there is more to it. I do not take meds for this, as its not bad enough for it as of now.

I have serious paranoia, like beyond your typical paranoia. I am afraid to sleep in my own house, in fear of the people in and around it. I am afraid to eat the food my PARENTS prepare, in fear of being poisoned. Sometimes I will seriously go without food because of this. I have even been known to think the manufacturers are poisening me. I dont trust people, none of them. I am up right now because I am too afraid to go to bed, tonight the reasoning being I just dont feel right. I saw a few cockroaches in my room and some signs that a mouse has been in there, and the thought of bugs crawling on me is keeping me from going to sleep in my own room. I am always think people are hiding things from me. I always want to know who, what, where and why my boyfriend is somewhere. Its like I feel like anyone can turn on me at any given moment, and I cant allow a chance for that to happen. I tend to be depressed alot, and I crumble so easily under stress.

I dont know, but I have been wanting answers for a while now. I have just been to afraid to talk to anyone about it.

On top of PD I have slight OCPD. Its not too bad, has not affected the way that I am.

The only person I trust enough for it to matter is my boyfriend and my mum. Anyone else scares the crap out of me and I wont trust them with anything.

Is there something mentally wrong with me?
dutches401
 
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Joined: Tue May 19, 2009 10:55 am

Postby Lisamgeorge » Sun Sep 06, 2009 8:23 pm

I know you said you don't taken medication but it really sounds like you need it. I don't mean that in a negative way. I take Prozac myself. I have a friend who suffers with very similiar symptoms to yours and has been diagnosed with mild schizophrenia. Its nothing to be ashamed of. But it sounds like you really need to get help. This will only continue to get worse. I have known this friend of mine for years and she started out just like you and now she is hospitalized because it took her 15 years to get help. That's a very poor quality of life. Unfortunately it sounds like you are living that way too. Do your self a favor and talk to a doctor.
Lisamgeorge
 
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Joined: Sun Sep 06, 2009 8:07 pm

You can talk to someone

Postby Joerge » Wed Sep 23, 2009 7:06 am

Hi Dutches,
how are you doing?
I just read your words and first of all I wondered that you could trust the advice and words of a complete stranger over the Internet when you have so much difficulty trusting people nearer to you.
I though it might help if I gave you an account of my world. I'm an honest person and I can trust people. I think a lot of people out there lie and generally tell a lot of bullshit. This is not about them giving me advice, but when I hear people talking about themselves and what they have been up to. I think people often talk a lot of rubbish. but I honestly don't think its about me, at that moment. I think they are trying to make themselves appear bigger than they really are, in their self-image.
So I say, and I genuinely believe this, if people want to tell me stories, or bullshit, or whatever you want to call it, rhat's their problem, not mine.
I have spent the past 12 years or more in and out of therapy because there was so much anger and disruption going on inside me. I'm still there and have a bit further to go, but my 'quality of life' has greatly improved.
"Is there something mentally wrong with you?" Well that's a heavy kind of a question to put out to there, maybe at the end of the day only you can know that (cause I still haven't worked out how much psychiatrists know and understand about human nature).
What stikes me is your 'quality of life'. With all that energy going on inside you, that reminds me of myself some years ago and up till quite recently. there was so much turbulence going on inside me I couldn't get through a day in any 'normal' sense.
Finally, I wonder why you don't want to talk to anyone about it. Go and speak to some doctor or some professional that you have known in the past and could relate to. Was there anybody? Was there ever anybody who you kind of felt understood you, who you felt was a bit more in tune with you than all the rest, go and find them again and talk with them.
Wish you all the best, as I say to people around me, "If I could get thru my mess, and I was in a hell of a nightmare, then others can too" :)
Joerge
 
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Joined: Wed Sep 23, 2009 6:39 am


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