Mental Disorders

[hbusye]

i am so frightened of completely losing my mind, I have been through alot of stress i guess, my dad was never around, and my mum was a bit ill while i was young and treated me badly, when i was old enough i went off the rails, went out with a guy 8 years my senior when i was 15 who beat me for 2 years, and another abusive relationship after that. i was put on antidepressants when i was 14, i took overdoses and self harmed, i was always so desperate and didnt know why i had so much anger. i got into taking ecstasy pills, amongst other things and that went on for a few years. last year i had a psychosis, while going out with a guy who was awful to me and completely messed me up, never hit me..more head games which was probably the worst abuse Id been with, id taken 7 ectsasy pills and some mdma, which i had done lots of times before but this time, i completely went insane, i lied there waiting to die, my heart was beating so fast i knew i was about to die but couldnt call an ambulance cos my head was goin so mad. i was byself. i was ok for about 2 weeks, went back to normal. then on my 20th birthday i had a few drinks and saw the ex and i remember panicking..then something switched and it was like the world suddenly tilted and its never been the same since. my mum and evryone i have known appears foreign to me and i dont recognise myself in the mirror(probably the most frightening symptom) i feel like i dont even know how i can remeber to speak and that im automatic and its like someone elses voice when i speak. its so scary, ive been to doctors and they havent even heard of it!! can anyone help me? i dont know how much more i can take. i am still having suicidal thoughts..as i just dont want 2 end up completely mad.

[looknohands]

I know what you're going through. I was in a high stress situation when I was fifteen and ended up in a state of chronic depersonalization for over a year. So far, things have started to make more sense, but I still feel as though somehow, I never really completely healed. Like I can't feel things the way other people can. It's been like this for three years.

You are not losing your mind. On the contrary, a depersonalized form is a type of defense. Your mind is working. Stay away from the X though. That can help trigger depersonalization, as can most hallucinogens. So can marijuana. It accounts for a small percentage, but it's still known to happen. Alcohol is a very rare case though, and normally only really heavy usage on a normal basis can bring it about.

As far as I know, there is no medication for it but I'm currently reading [i]Feeling Unreal[/i] in an attempt to understand more about what happened to me. I've yet to read the chapters on medication and treatments and the like, but I've heard there is something out there related to electroshock therapy.