Mental Disorders

[ann05]

One sibling is destroying our entire family. If I confront the liar, I will surely be criticised by the others who just want peace at any cost. There is a Narcissistic mate who also plays a major role in this drama. The 2 of them are controlling, manipulative and very scary.

[Dannytheinsane]

I knew someone in my life who was such a liar. She lied about everything. She even walked around a hospital and told people their spouse had died. The police were looking for her then, I am not sure what happened to her and why she did this.

[sure]

I have a question... is the lying pathological or fibbing... either way you must remember that you are all that matters to you in the end, no, ... unless it's a part of a scene that leads to failure and doom it's probably a way of getting your attention and that's for sure, however, you didn't put down much in the way of background to the situation so I can only hope to learn a little more before I can even begin to see clearly.

Try this: the finest China is made of mud... . It helps me now because I know it now and I wish I knew it a long time ago when the same situation happened to me. The inevitable outcome is usually the same, but the going is a lot more like I like it. Nes pas?

So anyways, I hope you can see that without a little more information like the seriousness and subject of the lying I can't be of more help. Sorry.
Sure

[itscindergirl]

My son was and my nephew before he died was just like that and a
phscopath seems to fit the description of them both i'm not saying that is what is wrong with your family member altho my son is scophrenic (MS) has just been diagnoised altho i am not sure he is not a phscopath after reading up on it. Both diseases are very close to the other, I would suggest treatment to find out about this good luck. Altho some people seem to want to be something they are not cause they are not happy with their lives so they lie its a hard call either way

[Sassy01]

I have been trying to figure out if my sister-in-law is a pathological liar.. She lies about just about everything. She's very flambouyant and out going. No matter what the conversation is, she has a related story that tops it and it is usually so wild, it's hard to believe. She's had cancer, so she says, but never any outward signs. Will never let anyone drive her to her "appointments" even though, as we understand it, when you get radiation or chemo, they won't let you drive yourself home? She also has back problems and yet she's lifting more than most of us, and has had the surgury she's supposed to be having cancelled several times. The funny part of it is....the only time the cancer or the back problems come up is when she has something bad coming up in her life...like foreclosure of her home or and IRS audit of her business. And then once that crisis is over, her cancer is miraculessly cured or the surgury she was supposed to have on her back is forgotten. I could go on about the lies she's told for hours. The worst part of it is, when she's confronted - she flips!! Which has now caused a rift in our family. She also has a need to be the best at everything and come across and knowing everything about everything and LOVES to come across as a highroller. So much so, that now her and her husband are in financial ruins....and still she spends money to look good. Anyone have any input?

[JennK]

I have a mother that almost mirrors your family member. She will lie (fib, exaggerate, mold a story) to make it suit her, or to make her look like a martyr. She has been like this all of her life according to family. There seems to be no use in confronting her. It causes her to blow up and then spend 3 days in bed crying. I would love to know how to approach her. No one in the family has ever been able to confront her about all of her mental issues. She says she is just fine. I have been diagnosed Bi-Polar and have done alot of research in the last year on mental illness and I know she is ill. Have any of you found a constructive way to get someone to admit they lie. She is my mother, I love her and want her well.

[groovy_Taylor]

here is my story. I am a pathological liar. I am like you said a very outgoing person, and full of fun passionate stories to tell. I have told lies about having cancer, my mom hitting me, and told people my mom was from France. There is a lot more, but it takes forever. I wake up in the morning determined not to lie. If i lie, i say hold on and change it to the truth. It happens compusively and i can't control it sometimes. It is so bad a do have a therapist but she doesn't know that i am a liar. What I am trying to say is lieing hurts everyone. My best friend who I love, and lied to about everything, found an old xanga site from my sophmore year in high school i used to write in privately about everything. She had my password, I gave it to her and forgot about it. So she got on it, and read everything. Her heart is broken, and so is mine.

[afriend4help]

I think she has most HPD traits that I have read about and worst of all are her lies. This is killing our relationship and almost made us bankrupt at one point.

[erin051026]

Hey,

I am a 23 year old college student in Sacramento CA. I am hoping someone here could possibly steer me in the right direction as to how I can maintain a relationship with my mother without alllowing her illness to effect me as much as it does?! I am reaching a point of desperation, and I dont know what to do anymore...

First and foremost, growing up I always new my mother didn't behave "normal". While my parents were married, I would witness my mom hiding things from my dad (which I later realized) was to get attention. She was very irrational if she was confronted by anyone (including her children). As the years went by and my parents divorced, I was beginning highschool and was at an old enough age to comprehend the fact that she lied about a lot of things.
I started asking questions and my dad told me that she always lied about things but LITERALLY BELIEVED herself so it was impossible to resolve. I noticed that she's lied about her childhood, where she's had jobs, and often tells even the utmost starangers "pity stories" about herself and her life that were absolutely false. It's even gotten so bad to where she was telling my family that I stole her old wedding ring and pond it! We came from a pretty privelaged household might I add and I couldn't even tell you where a pon shop was. There are many, many more lies but it would take all night to write them.
Lying is not her only problem. Whenever my mom is confronted about anything she will scream at you...and it DOESN'T STOP! She will lay guilt trips and manage to twist everything you say around to where I get confused as to what's even going on sometimes. All my life I have watched her make friends and one after one they all manage to "dissappear" from her life. Coincidentally, some of these women were mother's of my friend's growing up, whom I still run into. I always hear weird random stories that supposedly "happened" too my mom or "excuses" as too why they aren't in contact anymore and it baffels me. The stories are mind-boggling. I am very close to my grandma (my mom's mom). She has even told me that when my mom was in highschool, she told people at her school that she had lukemia and was dying. My grandma found out because 2 of my mom's friends in school stopped by to give their condolences. My grandma said that shortly after that particular incident my grandpa died which caused my mom's behavior to spiral out of control, and she turned 18 shortly there after so my grandma couldn't convince her to seek therapy.

My whole personal issue with this is, not only does my mom push people away when they get too close, she pushes me away, she wont speak to her own sister, her mother and her always have something going on...the only person who is with her day in and day out and who (as far as I am aware) doesn't see this behavioral pattern of her's is her current husband of 8 years (my step-dad). He and I dont have the best relationship, and the reason being is because of my mother's and my relationship. Her entire family including my father have tried to tell my step-dad what the deal with her is, and I dont know if it's because he is madly in love with her but he coddles the behavior. He protects her to the point where if I am trying to confront a situation between her and I, he will step right in the middle to where he speaks for her so I can't even talk to her!!! When I call the house he'll answer the phone, or if she needs something he'll call for her. It's like a movie too me, I cant even explain how frusterating it is!!! And the worst part about it is, I feel like I dont have a mom. We will be fine for 4-6 months and right when I feel like things are going good, something always happens.

I dont know what to do anymore, and all I want is for my mom to just get help!!! And might I add, I am the oldest of seven (4 of which still live at home). I have 5 sister's and a brother who are all either old enough or getting old enough too where it's starting to effect them too. I dont want them to feel the way I feel all the time. What should I do?

[mia]

i have had a few experiences with different types of liars.
Hopefully sharing my experiences and opinions of how these people may be feeling, will help some of you to feel some Peace and make it easier for you to cope.

Irrational, Blatant Lying:
i knew someone who was in his 30s but seemed very "Young for his age". He would tell very blatant lies. He told me that he was going to join a very famous rock band as a bass guitarist and that the band had come over from America to stay with him at his house.
He was unemployed -possibly unemployable... Yet he told people that he was working for Bill Gates at Microsoft . He also told me some very disturbing things, which in my opinion, may be the cause of his lying.
i think that sometimes people lie to escape. They feel trapped and perhaps boring in a way, so they feel the need to dramatize their lives or lie. But this could also be a symptom of a personality/mental disorder.
Another thought i had was, could lying also be a form of dissociation?

Lying for attention:
i knew another male, in his teens, who told me he was self harming, cutting himself. He also told me he was feeling suicidal on several occasions. i stayed up on the telephone with him until 3 and 4am, happily, because i thought i was helping him. He later told me that he was not feeling suicidal and he "Just wanted attention". Unfortunately, i was not tolerant of liars at this time, so i was regretfully harsh to him.

In time, i have come to understand that because his parents didn't give him the nurturing he needed, he resorted to the only method of getting attention that he could. But it wasn't intended as nasty or harmful, it was a desperate cry to be noticed and loved. It is everyones human need to be loved and everyone should be loved by someone. i try to relate that lonliness to a time when i have been lonely and it helps me to understand his reasons.

Lying to Degrade somone else:
A close family member of my own regularly lies about me to other family members. She tells them that there is nothing wrong with me and that i am an attention seeker and a liar. Despite my obvious problems, which have caused me to be in and out of therapy for 11 years and to be on and off medications etc.
She uses guilt a lot to manipulate me. When i am leaving her home, she puts on a "Sad Face" Like a child might, with her bottom lip stuck out. She says in a wailing voice. "Don't leave me". Sometimes i say "i'm sorry, i have to go" Or sometimes i give in and say, "ok, i will stay for longer". Whichever i say, she proceeds to laugh over-dramatically and say "I'm only kidding!" Over Enthusiastically. i just don't know what to make of this.

This family member has definetly got a personality/mental disorder of some sort, but she is almost 50, and has never received help, so she is so far binded into her problems. i wonder if she resents me because of the medical attention i have been given for my own problems.

In my experience, where it is appropriate to address the lying (It will not be in a lot of cases, as some people who lie can become very angry when confronted.) But sometimes, if it is safe for everyone, to say or get the point accross that you Love the person for who they are and that they are already interesting/special enough may help to discourage the lying.

Sometimes it may help to listen enthusiastically and take an interest when the person is being truthful. When the person is blatantly lying, i just try to seem disinterested.
If you can be consistent with this, then the persons behaviour could possibly be improved over time by relating feeling "Heard" to telling the truth.

Remember to look after yourself, liars are often manipulators too and living with that is very draining and damaging.

i hope that my thoughts here can provide some understanding and comfort

[hopefully]

Hi "Ann05" not sure if you are reading up on this still, but what ended up happening? my family is in the same situation as you...

[spikegomez]

some of our family our a little liar so sometimes one member can't help to take it seriously then sometimes this can cause serious family problems right, but we can't stop this thing cause this is usually happening in some families...