Mental Disorders

[paranoidinJapan]

to become paranoid in a society obsessed with one's weight ? Like Japan. Because, I think that's my problem. I have lived here for 4.5yrs. and now feel like people are always laughing at meal. When I walk past people, they don't even have to say anything. I have their thoughts already expressed for them at me. I have also concretely experienced comments made at me in passing. I have to actually prepare myself to ignore what I think people are saying to me. All they have to do is look at me, or smile. I think they are making fun of me.

45kg(around 100lbs) is the ideal weight for women. No matter their biological make up. Especially young women. 55kgs. Is considered heavy.
So, I am way out of the ball park figure due to my hormonal imbalance.

I have tried to recluse myself in the apartment out of shame. I am super self-conscious of what I wear. I don't like to call attention to myself unnecessarily. Like walk around too much in front of people. And, I want skinny girls to be fat, I get disgusted by them. Sometimes, wish I can snap them in two. I even call then snappables.

But, I would never hurt anyone unless they touched me in a threatening way. Self defense you know. I am a very thoughtful person. I try to help people. But, if they show any mean spirit towards me. I might curse them.

What do you all think?

[tornthoughts]

Hey ParanoidJapan,

I had no idea Japan had become so obsessed with weight, sounds terrible. If you want to live a happy life you have to be happy with yourself first. Try not to worry about what others think, just concentrate on being whatever YOU want to be, and when your are happy with yourself, you will find that everyone else's attitudes will adjust to reflect your new-found confidence. It's a sad fact that self consciousness attracts negativity no matter what, even anorexics who are self conscious about their wieght will find that people stare at them or give them funny looks or share whispered remarks about them. They will take it as an indication that they are still too fat, but really it was their self consciousness that spawned the looks and remarks.

When you look at yourself in the mirror, YOU have to be happy with what you see. If you're not, then you will project that unhappiness everywhere you go, and THAT is what people will pick up on.

I know how hard paranoia can be, I'm paranoid myself, so don't think I'm trying to belittle what you're going through. It's not easy to reverse your thought patterns, but that's what you have to work on.

I hope I've helped, and good luck,

tornthoughts