Mental Disorders

[dawntutwiller]

My best friend recently told me that i have histrionic personality disorder. When I read it, at first, it didn't sound like me. Borderline personality disorder, as least as far as internal processing (not knowing oneself, frequent changes in mood, career, friends, and ideas), sounded more like me. However, my actions are generally very stable, and even if i feel this way on the inside, on a regular basis I do not act it out. Histrionic, however, is how I think it manifests. And it happens on such an unconscious level, which is why I'm here. I do not want to be this way. I never realized how much attention I require. Unlike most Histrionic's, however, I do need a lot of alone time. I spend hours a day alone, easily. Usually, though, thinking about my own issues... attempting to be "introspective," and to "solve my problems." Then, at the end of the night, when I'm finally in a good mood and think I've tackled something, will go out and not necessarily drink that much but I make sure I'm around guys who I know have crushes on me. I almost lead them on, and will talk opening about anything. This happens about once a week. It's so sad, because I never intentionally do this. About a week ago this was shown to me. Whats worse, is that two weeks ago I entered a relationship... with someone I dated a while back. It sucks, because we were "good friends," or so I though, surfing together nearly everyday. But now that I'm there, I pull back, feel scared, feel detached, and generally unable to reply and be there. I don't want to hurt him... I really really don't. I'm afraid I have to just because I found this out.
I'm writing because not many people come out and admit they have either histrionic personality disorder or traces of it (maybe comorbid with another personality disorder). It's distressing, to me, because I want to be normal. In my mind, I thought I functioned fine. I just figured I need to be social. But I see all the damage I've done to people now. How, just because I drastically change emotions, I'll enter a relationship and exit just as quickly. I think I'm doing myself a favor... then at the end, I do see in the person's eyes, feel their heart, how much pain I just caused. And then that... that is too hard to endure, the thought that I could hurt someone.
Does anyone else go through this? I know, deep down, I'm not a "bad" person. I'm only 20 years old, and was raised in a very unstable home with two alcoholics and a histrionic and borderline mother and a dad who was submissive and depressed. It's almost no doubt that I am this way, regardless of my intentions. I've manged this far to
I tried talking to my mom about possible therapy. I told her I think I have an issue, and if I don't seek help now, it's going to get worse. But she refuses to get me therapy, probably out of her own denial.
Any help, anyone?

[Vespera]

[G'day Dawntutwiller

I share some of your issues and i emplore you to seek treatment for yourself, even if you have to do it alone.

I am a 37 year old woman and have experienced many mental health problems since childhood.

]I feel strongly that no-one should have to suffer in silence and that early treatment/therapy is essential to your future well being.

I believe that the human mind has an amazing capacity to adapt to and sometimes to even overcome any obstacle put before it.

I hope that you find what works for you and achieve peace of mind.

Vespera

[guitarman]

Hi dawntutwiller

I also had two alcoholic parents and am histrionic but the shrink says I'm not a clinical disorder case. I can sympathize with you because I go through a lot of the same stuff you mentioned. When you have two alcoholic parents, there in no one to turn to.