Mental Disorders

richchris75 · Joined: 04 Mar 2008 Posts: 1

About 2 years ago my job became intolerable. Over a period of time it became worse, various people went on and off with stress, my manager never supported me. In between, opportunistically i started taking photographs of my neighbour through her window. Never undressed. No stalking, no waiting and creepig, always opportunistic. There was never an sexual thoughts and i lived my life normal.

Work continued to pile pressure on and i probably worked through a breakdown and pulled through aone.

Then my partner found out i took the photos and instantly ended a 20 year relationship. I had a full breakdown, coud not see sense in what i did, tied to kill myself. Partner none supportive even when in hospital.

I had counselling about my now diagnosed depression, on Prozac and Diazapam and now a month on i am returning to the peson i was 2 years ago. (Still off work) My partner and myself are still split up but she does not believe i did it without sexual thought. It was opportunistic because i could. I feel such a bad person that i did thi whilst in a really close knot relationship Why did my thoughts not go to my partner and stop me when i love her so much, how did this happen as a different life. I never put a foot wrong in 20 years, this will eventualy kill me if i don't understand because i canot give my partner an answer, because i simply don't know.

The prozac have made me think clearer now and it does not make any sense to me. What have i done and why. Am i such a bad person. My partner suspets i will start a string of sexual offences and i have a dark side. This cannot be true and i now feel anxious and paranoid.

kallisti · Joined: 12 Sep 2007 Posts: 12 Location: San Francisco

What do you think the deal is? It sort of looks like voyeurism to me. Especially when you say the behavior was connected to rising stress levels, and that the opportunity presented itself, not because you were lusting after your victim. If it is voyeurism, please do find a good therapist who can help you...it's a complusion disorder and can be helped through behavior modification therpay. With help, you may be able to understand and work through it. Please be kind to yourself - refuse to live in shame. It's a condition. Help is out there.

BTW - it may be worth it to change jobs!